If You Reeeaaallllly Care To Know....

Wow...it's been a long time

2009-10-21T06:32:00.002+08:00

I know I know...after abandoning for so long, why am I back?

Today I can't help but smile at a mom who is finally wearing her baby in a wrap I have been suggesting for TWO months, and changed to a lower-iron formula, which I also suggested. You'd think they'd come to trust me and at least TRY my suggestions, lol.

This Friday I'll be making baby wraps with some pregnant friends.

Lately, I've made homemade baby wipes, bought ingredients to make homemade 'gripe water', baked a turkey, made turkey soup, baked an apple pie... I'm feeling very 'domestic' and natural.

Spent yesterday at a Midwifery Clinic in another town...was great. Learned a lot, laughed a lot. Can't wait to be a midwife in this place!!

P.S I have a WICKED boyfriend, and I'm so excited to surprise him this weekend with a really fun birthday gift. Road trip!!!

Until next time (which could be YEARS)

....another chooses midwifery

2009-04-23T03:44:00.002+08:00

We recently had another girl move in, who is due in November with her first baby. After some discussion between another resident in midwifery care, and myself, this resident applied for midwifery care. Thankfully she was still early to get in, and she's very excited!!

This past Monday we all went to a midwifery orientation/initial interview, and 3 other couples went too. We were showed a video that discussed midwifery care in Ontario, and the three pillars: informed choice, continuity of care, and choice of birthplace. It made me feel extremely blessed to be called a midwife, and being such, I wanted to jump up on the table and announce it to everyone. I'm sure the girls appreciated that I didn't.

After the video the midwife discussed a more in-depth look at the practice, the two midwifery teams, informed choice, and the overall competency of midwives in Ontario.

Taking a step backwards in this week, I recently started reading through the Ontario College of Midwives Registrant's Binder, and realized that the president of the CMO is actually a midwife at the Welland practice. At this weeks orientation, we learned that she would be one of the midwives on the team taking care of New Resident! How exciting! I'm sure she' s a really busy lady.

Things are picking up around this home, and we have two new residents coming in next Monday. One has a baby of about a week, the other is due in December. I said to the two residents in midwifery care,

"Do you know what your mission is?"

They promptly replied,

"To switch her over to midwifery care".

Bring it on!! I'm having so much fun talking to these girls about midwifery care, pregnancy, labor and birth, breastfeeding, and I'm learning a ton from going to the midwifery appointments. I am incredibly blessed!

The girls have lately been talking about homebirth, and how that's a fairly hard thing to work out , since we all live in a maternity home, but after talking to the Director, realized maybe it isn't so far fetched. Director said they've never inquired about it, and said she would call the woman who licenses us from Public Health to see about it. I have a feeling it'll be a big NO, but at least we'll know :)

.......to circumcise or not

2009-04-12T00:43:00.003+08:00

For some reason or another, infant circumcision has been a hot topic in life these days. We discussed it recently at a staff meeting, the residents talk about it often, I had a talk about it with a male friend, and I often see midwife-friends of mine posting articles about it on facebook.

I'm of the persuasion that believes routine circumcision for medical reasons is archaic, and most people who have actually done their research know that it doesn't significantly decrease the risks of urinary problems, in infancy or in later life. I've heard people with horror stories of their uncircumcised boys who later had to get it done, and I've heard ones from the other side of the spectrum who got it done and have had endless problems with it.

However, all medical beliefs aside, I'd have to say that the argument that MOST bothers me is when people (Non-Jews, or Gentiles, at least), pull out the bible excuse: "God told us to do it. Isn't that reason enough? Don't you think if God told them to do it, it was probably for health and safety reasons??"

And YES, I'm a strong-believing Christian myself, but obviously a Gentile. When people bring up this argument, I can't help but point out there's this really cool New Testament covenant that supersedes this ritual: that by faith we are saved.

Today I was reading through Acts, as I'm making my way through the NT, and I came to the part when the Christians within the Church are stuck on this very issue (Acts 14-15).

"The apostles and elders met to consider this question. After much discussion, Peter got up and addressed them: "Brothers, you know that some time ago God made a choice among you that the Gentiles might hear from my lips the message of the gospel and believe. God, who knows the heart, showed that he accepted them by giving the Holy Spirit to them, just as he did to us. He made no distinction between us and them, for he purified their hearts by faith. Now then, why do you try to test God by putting on the necks of the disciples a yoke that neither we nor our fathers have been able to bear? No! We believe it is through the grace of our Lord Jesus that we are saved, just as they are."

I don't think this leaves much room for interpretation. So I feel I rest my case; I feel justified that God is pretty OK if I chose not to circumcise my sons.

.....I may have changed the course of history

2009-04-10T12:08:00.002+08:00

Last Friday I went, as promised, to my sister's grade 11 Parenting class to discuss midwifery, pregnancy and delivery. One word...AMAZING!!! It went SO well! The girls (and the one boy) loved it, and asked some really good questions. It really helped that the teacher had a midwife and a homebirth with her last baby, so she asked some stellar questions and gave her opinion on some things. And at one point, I may or may not have mentioned I'd eat my placenta.

Anyways, the girls seemed to have actually learned something, and I could see the wheels turning in a couple girls' heads as I said, "Only sick people go to hospitals". I even heard one girl say "I never thought about it that way before". I think that was what hit her the most about the discussion.

My sister was really proud of me, and it made me proud to make her proud. Does that make sense?

The teacher asked for copies of my overheads and invited me back for subsequent classes. She even went so far as to say it was the best presentation she'd had, although I can't imagine that a lot of presentations go on in parenting...

A couple days later, my sister was texting me and told me the class was still talking about it, and one girl had even gone to change her grade 12 course load to steer towards a career in midwifery. Isn't that SOOOO cool??? I love that I was able to translate my passion into words, and actually express it in such a way that she wanted to take part in it.

So now that I've been so humble, I admit that what excites me most is that I am so INCREDIBLY blessed by my God to have a career in something I can get so excited about and have the privilege of passing on.

"Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him—for this is his lot." ~ Ecc 5:18

I get to talk about pregnancy and labor!!

2009-03-31T03:29:00.002+08:00

I've been invited to my sister's grade 11 Parenting class to talk about all things pregnancy, labor and delivery, and I'm SO excited. Not the least bit nervous (which I generally am), but probably will be more so when the actual time comes. Although, it's a topic I'm fairly well versed in, so perhaps that helps.

Yippee!!!! Hopefully this isn't the last time I can do this!

...I had a TERRIBLE dream last night

2009-03-25T22:24:00.002+08:00

(Disclaimer: Tiffany understands it's nearly impossible to retell dreams in rationale words, but gives it a try.)

Last night I had a dream I was to be the doula for this laboring woman, and the nurse HATED me! [She was actually this nurse I've met a couple times in the maternity ward, and she can be somewhat 'abrupt'.] Anyways, this nurse sent a message to the hospital 'receptionist', who then called me and dictated it to me. She proceeded to call me a 'con', and spilled how I didn't know what I was doing and that she had convinced my patient that I wasn't wanted in the labor room. I was furious and seriously upset, and asked the receptionist if there was any way to record the message or record it onto paper and sign it, and she said there wasn't.

All my friends from the Philippines were around me, and I specifically remember venting to LEH, who was in scrubs and must have been working at the hospital too [and the delivery was actually out in an open field]. I went to my boss [or someone else who was in that sort of position, and it was actually my current boss], and almost broke down in tears and asked to go home. But then I stopped mid sentence and said to myeslf, "No, I will stay here, I deserve to be here, and I will fight this!!"

As I watched in disbelief as my friend was 'set up for delivery', LEH tried to go advocate to the laboring woman on my behalf. I was shocked at what was going on, what the nurses were doing... they had her set up on two beds pushed together covered in blue medical cloth, and she some how fell between the cracks onto the ground in the middle of the field!! And I couldn't help, because I had to watch from afar.

Ok, so I realize this makes absolutely NO sense, but I woke up thinking to myself that it was the most terrible dream EVER, and had all of my current fears wrapped up in it.

...Sometimes I just need someone to slap my face

2009-03-16T11:37:00.002+08:00

Every once in a while, when my life gets the TEENIEST bit tough, I think to myself, "I need a vacation, I need a break, I need to get away for a bit". But then God convicts me of my attitude, and I'm reminded that if that's the way I'm thinking, I could take 1000 years of vacation and I'd still be unhappy or discontented. I have to snap out of it, put on a smile, pick and choose my battles, and make the decision to LOVE my job at that exact moment.

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13

...we had a baby

2009-03-14T08:33:00.003+08:00

Again, it's been more than a month since I last posted. Much has happened, but life is good. It's busy and stressful, but full of learning opportunities, which is what it's all about, right?

One of our residents had her baby this week, which was wonderful. I had the wonderful opportunity of being the labor coach for this girly, which was a completely new experience. It's VERY different than acting as the real midwife, let me tell you. I was so sore the next day I felt like I had the baby...except the pain was in different places, of course.

Here's the low-down on the birth.

At 4am, a resident called me down from my apartment, so I threw on my robe, put my hair up in a pony (these are very significant facts), and went down. This resident was sitting on the hallway floor in front of laboring mom’s room (we'll call her Momma), and Momma was leaning on her bed, visibly in labor and crying a bit. I sat beside her, and I gave the other resident the job of timing contractions on paper while I dressed and called other staff to let them know. Momma was able to labor at home for a bit, and she was seeming to progress yet wanted to stay at home, so we suggested I do a vaginal exam to see how far along she was, to help make a plan. She was still 3-4 centimeters dilated at 8:30am, and about 80 percent effaced. She was acting as if she was much more progressed though, and her contractions were quite strong. She was able to labor still at home, so we moved around the house changing environments, while I massaged her back and gave her water. She had been trying to get a hold of her boyfriend since 4am, and was still unsuccessful. At 11am we made our way to the hospital, and the nurse did another exam and she was still 4cm. Bummer. Her boyfriend soon arrived. Her doctor came in at 1:15pm and did another exam, and she was 4-5cm. He broke her waters, and she got a shot of morphine at this point. She soon moved to the jacuzzi, and spent about an hour in there. Another check was done at about 3pm, and she was 8cm! Hip hip hooray! She labored on the bed, and they had the heart beat monitor on her belly, because the baby’s heart beat would drop with contractions, and they wanted to monitor him. She started to push at 4:15, and the baby was born at 5:14 pm. Apgars 2/6/? so they had to do full resuscitation. That was a little nerve wracking. She had a couple stitches, I'm assuming first degree tear. They didn't say, I didn't ask. After the birth they let Momma and her boyfriend bond with the baby a bit and she initiated breastfeeding, then they took the baby to the nursery to monitor him, since he was a bit slow to start, so they could continue to monitor his sugar levels as well as arterial gases to see if the lack of O2 caused any problems with pH. Momma took a shower and we got her situated in the postpartum area. I left the hospital at 8pm. I was exhausted. It was much more physical work that being the midwife, because I didn’t leave her side except to pee a couple times and get coffee at one point. She did amazing though..I was so proud of her. She's home now and doing great and breastfeeding. The baby is SO cute! 6lbs 8 oz. Looks like Daddy, but has Momma's lips.

Another resident in the house is in her 5th month of breastfeeding, so she's been a great help for Momma with encouragement and techniques.

So again, I'm pretty blessed to be in this place these days. I know I take it for granted a lot, and miss the actual catching, but it was a wonderful experience to be so depended on for support during such a time. I think she really appreciated it :)

A pretty happy girl

2009-02-05T13:36:00.004+08:00

Today was a great day, minus a slightly disturbing doctors visit in the middle of it.

I met up with my good, good friend JK for coffee and chatter over Starbucks, then made my way to my doctor's appointment. A bunch of years ago I was hit with a tennis ball in my left eye (lame accident, I know), and it caused some scarring in my eye. Since coming back from the Phils, we found out I've lost more vision, and we're on a quest to figure out why. When I say 'we're', I mean mostly me, and my overly excited optometrist who feels like Dr. House when she sees me. So they searched high and low in the Niagara region and in Hamilton to find me a specialist, and finally settled with this guy in St. Catharines. Last week I went to do a field test, which is another word for 'nightmare test'. I look into this white dome, stare at a white light in the center while little lights flash all around the focal light. I'm supposed to press a button when I see a flash - this test tells me what my visual field looks like. Basically I've lost much of the vision in the superior hemisphere of my left eye, so whenever a light flashes up there, I don't see it. But between the watering eyes, frustration of trying to figure out if that was just a light flash or the reflection of my scar (which I see floating), random flashes in my eyes, and blurring, I hate this test. I used to do it yearly after my eye accident, but have done is many times in the past month in this new quest to diagnose yet another oddity of my body.

Anyways, so I get into this dude's office, and he calls my name into one of the smaller rooms. He sits down at his desk, stares at my paperwork, flips over some papers, and says, "I don't really know why you're here...they haven't told me much", then looks at me. So, essentially he makes me look like a fool right off the bat, and I'm left having to explain why my regular eye doctor thinks she should waste this guys time. So I explain to him my eye accident, and how it wasn't until I returned from the Phils that I realized my new glasses and contacts (on the same perscription) didn't work. So he proceeds to point a light into my eyes, without saying a word. If any of you know me (which I'm assuming you do if you're reading this), you know I'm super nosy. So not only am I mad he's rude, I'm mad he's not explaining anything and shining lights in my eyes. He then reaches for a bottle of drops and puts them into my eyes, without saying a word. And they didn't just burn like the regular burn of dilating eye drops - they burned so bad my ears rang...I thougth I was going to pass out for a second there. I say, "They burn!", and he says, "yah, but just for a second". No apology, nothing. I mean, if I've got to palpate a woman's belly and it hurts, but I've gotta do it, I'm apologizing to no end and smiling at her. He's just a jerk. So he sends me out to the waiting room to wait for my pupils to dilate. I'm so upset I'm literally in tears, and already writing a letter in my head to his office, lol. I text JK to relay my story. Soon I'm back in his office, and he proceeds to do more eye tests. I let him do his thing, and I ask, "so did those tests show anything, anything significant"...he searches for a response to the dumb blonde sitting across from him, and proceeds so tell me, in a frustrating tone, that I'm not giving him enough history. I'm sorry buddy, that in grade 7 I don't remember if my vision changed right after the accident - I was in a concussion-based coma for 2 days, then wore a pirate patch for 2 weeks. I saw nothing. So between him telling me there's no way to know the scarring is from the injury (I say it is, he says, "No, it could have been there since birth"), and being ultra confused at my previous tests, doubting my past doctors, and the massive indigestion he had, I was not a happy camper. He decides to ask my previous doctors for more info, so I sign a release form. He says if that doesn't give him any answers, we'll do a CT scan. He thinks pressure from either my eye or my brain is causing the nerve not to function properly, but says my eyes look OK...which means it could be the brain. That makes me a little nervous. He says he'll call me when he knows what to do next. I leave...

Next I go to my friend Jess', who just had a baby in January. I bring diapers...the HH overflow these days. I walk in the door, and my cousin Sarah is sitting there, watching her own daughter and holding a baby wrapped in a blanket in her arms. I say my hellos, and walk over to Sarah to look down at the little one whose head I felt just days before her delivery during a false labor exam, and Sarah's holding a monkey wrapped in a blanket...very funny. She dies laughing, and my reaction - I hit her upside the head. Who does that? And me?? What a reaction. I apologize profusely as Sarah is practically crying from laughter and Jess comes down the stairs with the real baby. She's a cutie. I leave feeling so bad for my cousin, but happy my bangs are now trimmed...Having a hairdresser friend is quite convenient.

I make my way back to the double H, only to find out our newest resident has been accepted by the local midwives and has her first visit in a couple weeks. I'm SUPER stoked, and even more excited when she invites me to her visits. I could have peed, I was so excited. An opportunity to be involved in her prenatal care, learn more about her and build relationship, and see how this whole "Ontario-midwifery" thing works - bring it ON!

Went shopping with new resident after a dinner of homemade pizza, then got to play midwife and palpate other resident's belly (ROA), measure FH (31) and listen to heart tones. I used a silly baby toy to explain her baby's position, which was fun. Then we listened to new resident's baby for the first time - she's just 11 weeks. She was really excited, and it was a special moment.

So...it was a blessed day (for the most part), and full of moms and babies. God is SO blessing me lately, and I'm so excited to see where He's leading me. I am so blessed to be given the passion of midwifery... God's grace is overwhelming sometimes, because I know I don't deserve this crazy life.

Trusting In God's Faithfulness

2009-02-05T00:01:00.002+08:00

I have a couple friends back in the Philippines who continue to struggle with school finances, as I did while there, and I continue to wince as I SLOWLY watch my own balance for my school loans go down. My heart breaks for them, because I believe without a shadow of a doubt that these girls (and their families) are meant to be there; I believe in their ministry, their calling, their character, as well as their faithfulness that God will continue to provide.

Reading their blogs, talking to them, feeling their worry, my heart strings are strongly pulled and I want to help out in a tangible way, by sending money. I know some very special people sent me money as I struggled throughout my schooling, and it was such a huge blessing and promise fulfilled from God that He'd continue to sustain me, even when I doubted it was possible for the money to keep coming in.

Then, as I think about sending money, a small voice in my head says, "But Tiff, how much have you been able to put away towards your own loans these past 5 months, and if you have schooling ahead, shouldn't YOU be more responsible with your money?"...to which I sigh and remember I've BARELY touched my loans even though I've been working for 5 months and had very FEW financial responsibilities. Not that I've blown my money on stupid things, but in my attempts to love on the girls I live with, my family and friends, I've always sided on the side of "a good time and bonding" over being frugal.

Then I wonder, it is just a nontrusting, material perspective to think that I need to think of my own debts and finances when I feel the urge to help out my fellow midwives and friends? Like the woman in 1 Kings 17, if I give of my last flour and oil, will God continue to fill up my cup? Everything I have is His anyways, right? What is the balance between being a cheerful giver and giving responsibly?

Slightly Discouraged But Still Trusting

2009-01-21T13:11:00.004+08:00

Today I had the long-awaited meeting with a local midwife, and it went really well. JK and I spent about 45 minutes talking about Ontario midwifery, practicing and education.

God had (apparently) been opening up some really cool doors lately which seemed to lead to me practicing in Ontario and even maintaining my job at this maternity home, so I can serve these girls in more of a health care way, but the meeting today was a bit discouraging in this respect.

The midwife basically explained that a new midwife fresh out of school in Ontario needs to attend 30 births the first year under supervision to become fully licensed to work on her own, which would then prevent me from working here. And since most practices work under a shared-care model (which is really cool), it prevents me from acting as the primary midwife for these girls. Which is fine - as long as they're getting good midwifery care, that's all that matters. I guess the most discouraging part was realizing that signing up for the IMPP program at Ryerson for internationally trained midwives would take me away from this home and into different areas of Ontario as I seek placements and then eventually a job. I could hope and pray midwifery in the Niagara Region would increase and there would be more placements for midwives here, but presently both practices are carrying the max amount of midwives they can handle.

I was praying this meeting would bring more clarity into my situation, but it didn't really. I guess that's OK, as much as it's frustrating. I keep reminding myself - If I saw the whole picture and knew all the answers, I wouldn't really need to trust in God, now would I? And I like trusting that He's got it all under control.

For a bit of randomness...

This is my cat Marshy. Marshy Schizo. His second name is quite explanatory. He's my baby, and I always made fun of people who treated animals as people. But he really is a gift from God, and is teaching me some pretty cool life lessons. He's a suck...gets homesick like a regular momma's boy. When I lie in bed at night, and he's purring and being all lovey-dovey, I'm pretty amazed that God created these little creatures, all cute and furry and fairly low maintenance, to lavish love on us and be possessive and all. I see God in my kitty. And you can make fun of me all you want for that. :)

Waiting

2009-01-09T04:24:00.006+08:00

It's been an awesome week, that's for sure. The girls are back from their Christmas Break...I really missed them. The house was SO empty and quiet, and I was beginning to resent my job. It wasn't until they returned, that I remembered WHY I'm here...not to clean the house, organize donations...but for THEM. Thank God for that reminder. The last couple of days have been full of laughter, bonding and good food. It's been awesome.

JL and her 3 month old daughter moved out this week, which was sad, but smooth. I've visited her about 3 times in her new apartment already, and she's very excited for this new season of her life. She's actually babysitting my cat right now - I needed a mommy-break, lol. I was beginning to take my cat for granted, so figured I'd give myself a break, change my attitude, take him back in a day or two. It'll keep JL busy too, since she doesn't resume school until next week.

The doulas in the area are putting on 'Pregnancy Cafe' classes, one per month, and I'm really excited for that. The residents are coming with me to the January class, which features prenatal fitness and nutrition. Subsequent classes will discuss comfort measures for birth, postpartum blues, and even homebirth and water birth! I'm very excited to learn even more than I do about these subjects. My dear friend and fellow flip midwife, JK, will be joining me, so I'm super excited for that too.

I also have a meeting in a couple weeks with the midwifery association that serves our area, and I'm very excited to discuss Ontario midwifery and the possibility of joining their team one day, should I become licensed here. JK is also joining me for that, since she's hoping to apply to Ryerson this spring.

I'm still praying for peace about my decisions concerning midwifery in the next year; God's really been reminding me to wait on Him, for He promises to lead. I just need to wait. That is SO tough for me...I'm always wanting to move.

Psalm 37 (selected verses)

Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;

though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks what is just.

The law of his God is in his heart;
his feet do not slip.

Wait for the LORD
and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.

Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
there is a future for the man of peace.

The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.

The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

Going to Change The System

2008-12-17T09:50:00.002+08:00

The last few days have been...tough...great...exhilarating...frustrating...passionate. I experienced my first North American birth, in a hospital at that. The feelings have settled and now in the middle of exhaustion, I grapple for words to write. I think the feeling I most felt when I walked away from the birth was devastation towards the view of birth in hospitals, or at least in that labor room. It is OK for mom to be stoned out of her face with morphine because she is easier to deal with. Complete dilation automatically necessitates full blown pushing efforts on the mother’s behalf as the nursing staff talks nonchalantly about their days between contractions and encourages her to push harder with contractions. Mom’s face is purple from holding her breath for 10 seconds at a time for at least 3 pushes per contraction. Forget perineal support - let’s just push that skin over the head like you would a tight turtle-neck. Baby out- put her on the bed, double clamp the cord, cut, draw cord blood, as baby sits soaking wet, gasping for breath, gagging on her mucous. Finally put baby on mom’s chest only to realize she’s not breathing and has too much mucous - take her away to deep suction across the room. Start reefing on the cord, while holding the uterus to ensure it’s not going to find itself on the outside. Oh wait - it’s not coming yet - let’s just reach in and get it. Suture. Did the OB actually look at mom once in the face? I'm not so sure. Factory production. Assembly line. No reverence. Aggressive management. ‘No complications’. ‘Good birth’.

Last week one of our residents realized her breast milk was decreasing, and when it hit me that her OB had prescribed her the combination pill, I felt so incredibly stupid for not realizing it earlier. We called her OB to set up an appointment so she could start taking progestin only, the ‘mini pill’. She went to her appointment...only to be told by her OB that the mini pill is the morning after pill, he doesn’t know what she’s talking about, and she should continue to take the combination pill. It was a good thing I didn’t have a car and it was after hours at the office, I was so furious. This is the prenatal care of these girls. I went to two prenatal appointments with a resident to be in and out in MAX 2 minutes. Check her weight, push her belly a couple times, listen with the doppler for less than 5 seconds (and to the placenta at that), tell her to call when in labor. That’s their prenatal care. No wonder these girls go in needing to numb their minds and bodies. There's absolutely no realistic preparation.

Next step - write proposal for nearby midwifery center to ask permission to guarantee every HH resident midwifery care, if they should so choose, even if they approach the center at 9 months pregnant. Give back power. Give back informed choice. Glorify God. Honor women and babies. Revere the milestone of birth as it should be, not merely as a means to an end.

Covered in Grace

2008-11-01T01:27:00.004+08:00

FB status, October 30th 8:34 pm: "Tiffany sorta wishes she had a less meaningful job so she could fly back to the Philippines :-S"

FB status, October 31st 11 am: "Tiffany is again humbled, honored and grateful for her 'job' - who needs meaningless jobs?? :)"

This morning as I sat in a breakfast fundraiser for Hannah House, watching a DVD that was made over the past two weeks of past residents, current residents, staff and volunteers, a huge feeling of gratefulness and HONOR welled in my heart. Yes, this job can be more than emotionally exhausting, but sitting at the corner table in a room full of community members who have stepped up to the plate to lift up these teen mothers and their babies - Who am I that You are mindful of me, Lord? I don't deserve the honor of working with these girls, I really don't. But I'm incredibly grateful and humbled.

Back again

2008-10-21T12:33:00.003+08:00

So I haven't written on here for a long time (in blogging years), and I'm not sure how I feel about it. A big part of me wants to stop writing here altogether, but we'll see what the masses say (as if they'll speak).

Since I last wrote here we've gotten a new resident, and she's spunky. Due in December, but has already been to the hospital once to stop preterm labor. I'm to be her labor coach, which both excites and terrifies me. It's not like it was in the 'pines, where I could leave a woman to labor with her husband and check on her hourly or when she needed...I'll have to be with this girl, for who knows how many hours, slow dancing, pelvic rocking, massaging, crying... :) It will be my first North American birth, and I'm pretty terrified. I'm sure I'll spend much of the time frustrated at the way they treat her and the interventions, being a snobby midwife. Either way, I'm stoked. We're currently in the middle of prenatals classes with public health, and I'm going with her. It's fun to be on the receiving end of all the lessons, but again frustrating, because the teacher seems to present the interventions to the couples as a marketing rep would their product to a customer. The business of being born, I suppose :)

Tomorrow I get to take a break from being a responsible, authoritative, momma figure and go with the girls and the other daytime staff to a local pumpkin patch. I'm super excited to carve pumpkins...I haven't done it since childhood.

Other than that, life is pretty good. I'm eating these disgusting Mr. Noodles right now, and I know my body will hate me for it. Meh. Laziness has it's price.

Seeing Creation Again

2008-09-28T08:31:00.007+08:00

During a contraction her uterus became a different shape :)

JL had some false labor earlier this week, and we sat up in my apartment timing contractions, listening to FHT and I measured her BP. She was able to go to bed, and slept the entire night. These light contractions continued until...

"I'm hungry...and my water broke". That's what I woke up to Friday morning after JL knocked on my bedroom door. I jumped out of bed, standing there in my boxers and tank top, hair all disheveled. "Nice hair", she says. Apparently she'd been ringing the doorbell to my apartment for a few minutes, and the only way she could wake me up was to actually come into my bedroom. I felt really bad for that...talk about being out COLD.

So we went downstairs, where she showed me her soaked PJ's and her 'napkin' - already meconium stained. Woops. She tried to call her boyfriend like 10 times, and he wouldn't pick up, so her and another resident walked to his house and returned 10 minutes later with him. At 7:30 am I called her a cab, and off they went, hospital bags in tow.

She called around 8:30am saying she was 1 cm and on EFM, and that wasn't the best news available. She called again around 11 or 12 saying she was 3 cm, and that WAS good! She called again again around 2pm, telling us they had started a pit drip and were doing intermittent EFM. Around 6pm she was 7cm, 8 with a contraction. Still no drugs :) And before we knew it, she was too far past the epidural part and on her way to having a baby!

At 10:07 pm little Miley Irene entered the world (over an intact perineum, at that) at 6lbs 1 oz. JL cried :) Boyfriend watched the baby make it's gradual descent, and talked about the experience with enthusiasm and wonder. How can you not?? Just when I was thinking that natural childbirth in the hospital was only a thing of the past :) You make me proud Miss JL.

Reading For PLEASURE!!!

2008-09-17T21:23:00.003+08:00

A couple of days ago I started reading C.S Lewis' 'Mere Christianity', and it's one of the handful of books I've read (or at least started) since leaving midwifery school. It's nice not to be on a timeline, be worried about writing a report when I'm done, and to read non-midwifery material.

It's such a fantastic book - I love how logical and practical Lewis is, and how he ALWAYS uses analogies to explain his points. So basically he explains everything twice, giving it time to sink in and take root. He also makes me laugh, with both his dry humor, blunt honesty, and his little bit of arrogance! He'll write that he's just a layman and has no authority on a certain matter, but not every layman writes book after book about Christianity, so he must think he can do it better than lots of other people!

When ever I read his books I have to have a notebook with me to write down some of his quotes....they're unforgettable. Here are a few...

"Besides being complicated, reality, in my experience, is usually odd. It is not neat, not obvious, not what you expect".

"Reality, in fact, is usually something you could not have guessed. That is one of the reasons I believe Christianity. It is a religion you could not have guessed.."

"It is, of course, quite true that God will not love you any the less, or have less use for you, if you happen to have been born with a very second-rate brain. He has room for people with very little sense, but He wants everyone to use what sense they have."

I think the last one is my favorite...

Now, for a bit of randomness... This is the picture of the week, a la JO. This girl is very very close to having her baby, and feeling more signs daily!! Hip hip hooray!!

Bubbling

2008-09-11T10:18:00.007+08:00

Life has been pretty fantastic this past week.

I'm getting a lot closer with the girls and building relationships. I feel like it can only go uphill from here.

I'm continually blessed with fellow staff members who truly believe I'm an asset here, and continuallylift ME up.

I have good friends who take the effort to make our relationship work, and they keep me grounded and keep me laughing, even from a world away.

And God has been speaking to me in ways I've never heard. He has really been showing me this week the plans He has for me, but in the general sense. "Plans to prosper [me] and not to harm [me], plans to give [me]hope and a future." A lot of people keep asking me what my next 'life' step will be, and I honestly have NO idea. And I'm not even going to try and guess, which would be limiting God's love. So we'll see...in the meantime, I'm living day-by-day in this amazing opportunity. I'm really in a 'mountain' time with God, and I'm storing up peace and making history with Him so the next time I'm in the 'valley', I can remember this time.

Picnic on my living room floor, with the one-and-only Nikki, who treated me to croustinis, smoked fish, gooey cheese, spinach dip and pineapple. Even a pie for later :) The smoked fish in the can was a tribute to Filipino sardines!! I love this girl, and our adventures watching sketchy neighbors out windows and on roofs.

My newest memory-keeper

Smiling and Content

2008-09-07T00:03:00.002+08:00

This week in life has been pretty spectacular. God has really done some healing in this house between myself and the girls, and we haven't had any head-butting since the first dinner I wrote about in my last post.

On Thursday I was helping some of the girls in their schooling during study night, and we got onto the topic of drawing pictures and things, and I told them to draw me a picture. That night I made some math study notes for one of the girls, and in bottom I drew a (terrible) picture of me palpating her baby. It was a little of a hint..I need to soften these girls up to the idea of me playing midwife. Anyways, the next am I was walking down from my room, and one of the girls pulled a note from her pocket and gave it to me as I walked by. I took it downstairs, and opened it. It was a drawing, then an apology for acting out towards me that fateful night over dinner. I was really humbled and so grateful...what a step forward! I have been able to spend so much time with these girls over dinner, watching movies and going shopping, and I think we're all making a really good transition into friendship and respect. I think they are beginning to see me as an authority figure, but also someone who they can relate to and have fun with. I'm trying to find the right balance, and I'm having so much fun in the mean time.

So when it comes to the more personal side of life, contentment and purpose, I was making some real progress with realizing how God has put me in this place for such a time as this, to focus 100% on Hannah House and the girls. Just when I think I have God figure out (which is futile but I continue to try to get to that place anyways), He throws in another piece of the puzzle which leaves me confused and bewildered and overwhelmed but EXCITED! He's a tricky one, that guy. We'll see what happens in that arena, but I'd appreciate prayers :)

Last week at one of our dinners I decided it was time to give the girls the gift I had brought each of them from the Philippines - malongs. I was a little nervous giving them, because I didn't want them to think they/I was lame. But they took them, and this morning I woke up and one of the girls was wearing hers as a toga. It made my heart happy and put a smile on my face. They may play hard to get...but I can play that game. Just watch me :)

Moving Slowly

2008-08-28T06:58:00.004+08:00

"I cry aloud to the Lord;
I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.
I pour out my complaint before him;
before him I tell my trouble.

When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is You who know my way."

~ Psalms 142: 1-3

Wow, today is a much different day than yesterday. Instead of laughter and yummy granola, I'm trying to hide tears as I spoon basmati rice into boiling water. And it isn't because of any onions. I understand that 'they' resent me because of change, but when it's for their good and it's a good change, it's hard to deal with. I'm praying for wisdom and patience and love....I need it. I need old friends too...

Blessed

2008-08-27T11:54:00.007+08:00

Today was one of those days where you are CERTAIN you're in a place where only God could have put you; a place where one doesn't get oneself on his or her own merit.

I started the day with a staff meeting, where we spent the first part in prayer. We prayed about each of the girls, my integration into the ministry, other staff, the ministry itself...it was SO good. I couldn't stop thinking how blessed I am to be in such as place as this, where the women honor God daily! It is so amazing. (Not that this didn't happen in the Philippines...but this is the real world, where we're getting paid and I'm playing grown-up!)

Then I took one of the residents grocery shopping with me, for a couple reasons. She's good company, a smart shopper, and a good resident rep. We had lots of fun. She brought her 6 month old baby girl, who is absolutely adorable. I spent a little more than I was hoping, but I did stock up on some foods, so I'm sure it'll all work out.

We were picking up some pictures of hers at the Walmart studio, and I saw this couple (the woman was pregnant, by the way), and they looked Filipino. I then saw her pull out her passport, and sure enough, she was! I asked them where they were from, and they said the Visayas. Just talking to them brought back my 'Filipino-English' accent, and my mind was switching to Visayan! I so wanted to talk to them more, but it was fun just saying hello. It was a tiny taste of what I've been missing, but enough to make me smile and definitely brightened my day.

I came home around 6:30 pm, made myself a wonderful salad with mixed greens, pickles, olives, tomatoes, garlic, onions, cucumbers, etc...it was delicious. I then organized today's receipts, worked out the menu for this week, and did some paperwork.

Later I made a wonderful granola, and the girls actually liked it! I made it a simple base with oats, salted sunflower seeds and honey roasted sunflower seeds and almonds, and put all the 'extras' on the side for the girls to build themselves: strawberry-flavored cranberries, dried apples, mangoes and bananas, raisins and coconut. I was quite proud of myself..and I knew my girls in the OC would be proud too, especially SM :)

I finished the night with some cards and helping one of the residents prepare her room for her baby girl, due at the end of September.

God really blessed me with an amazing day, confirming to my heart that although this path wasn't what I was expect months ago, it is such a blessing and an honor. I am unworthy :)

Niagara Falls on a recent walk with a friend

Another pic of the falls - look at the color!

A store downtown Niagara Falls

Done???

2008-08-23T02:35:00.009+08:00

The white board outside our exam room....

The NARM is over and done with...or so we hope. I guess we'll find out in 3 or so weeks. It was tough...but I definitely studied well and knew what I was doing. The hardest part was that both Laura and I found it quite subjective when it came to the management, perhaps more so because of our training. But I don't think I could have studied any different to be better prepared - so let's hope for the best!

My trip started Monday afternoon when I drove to Laura's bukid, and spent the night there. I wasn't much fun because I hadn't slept the night before, although I'm not sure why. I went to bed early while Laura studied a little.
Then Tuesday we went to visit her sister and her neices, and it was so much fun to meet the girls she'd talked about for 2 years, and especially to meet the newest addition, who is only 7 weeks old. Then we made the 5 hour trip into Vermont, relying on our (err, HER) map skills and the GPS system, which is not always the most reliable tool. We spent some time exploring the small town of St. Johnsbury, then ate Chinese buffet (at Laura's request) and studied a little in the evening. Bed time came around 10 pm, since we had to be up early for the test.

We stopped at this really cool railway-covered bridge to take some pictures....

Wednesday morning we awoke to a freezing day, ate oatmeal out of a styrofoam cup, and prepared for the test. Miss Laura almost wore mascara, but my astonishment stopped her. Who needs to dress up for a test? She even stopped me from wearing sweat pants. (I know...not the Laura we know) Anyways, we drove to the test site and soon started. Just the TWO of us. Yup. Apparently there was a third, but she dropped out. So we drove all that way just to write it with only us. We said they should have come to us...but I don't see that happening in the near future.

Laura sharpening her pencils - she thought she grabbed a sharpener from her mother's desk, but they were razors. It made for an interesting writing edge :)

The first half of the test took us 2.5 hours, her finishing first. I only cried once. Haha. Some of them were so frustrating it wrecked my focus for a bit, but I had to move on. We had pizza for lunch as we discussed the test, and started the second half at 11:30 am. This half took us only 2 hours, me finishing first this time. The second half contained mostly labor and postpartum questions, and were all about management. Forget memorizing numbers...it's all management. We both walked away having no idea how we did...it could go either way. For the most part our answers matched, but sometimes they didn't, but we had no idea who was right and who was wrong. And we won't ever find out! Oh well...we'll see :)

After the test we spent time in a local library watching a movie on my computer to pass time before we drove to Morgan, Vermont, to spend the night with the sister of Krys, our school director. The drive was pretty, but we've both decided Vermont is a strange state. The people are weird....but it was fun :) Jenn, Krys' younger sister, made us a wonderful dinner, and with her Dad we sat around and talked for hours, looking at old pictures of Krys! It was so fun - I took some pics of the pics, but they're posted on my facebook!

We talked about missions, Christianity, death, school...it was really good. We enjoyed our time there, and went to bed around 11 pm. I was talking to a friend online who lives in Rochester, NY, a girl I'd met in the Philippines who came to intern a year ago. We decided I'd drive to her house and spend the night there Thursdasy - a nice change of plans.

We awoke Thursday am and were on the road by 7 am, heading back to Laura's place. I met her other sister, said goodbye, and headed to Hannah's. I arrived around dinner time, and we went to a cute greek restaurant, then to an Arbonne party, which is a makeup/skin care line. Kind of like Mary Kay or whatever. There were two pregnant women there, and the conversation quickly turned to pregnancy, labor and babies. Hannah and I were in our glory - we both miss the 'scene'. It was great, and we were both so proud to be midwives. The one lady was 37 weeks and planning her 2nd homebirth with her third child, after her first labor ended in a c-section. We were so proud of her for knowing her stuff and being so pro-midwifery. She was cool. The other girl was having her second baby, and I could see the wheels turning. She even joked about having Hannah "hang out" at her house the day of her labor - her first labor was only 5 hours long, so she's unsure of what to expect this time around!

Friday morning I was on the road again by 5 am, since Hannah had to work and I had to return my sister's car. The guy at the border talked to me for about a full minute, wondering what a midwife was and what I did and where. He was definitely a little weirded out. Then I was adjusting my rear view mirror when I was driving, and it fell off. I've never had that happen again. I'll let my sister deal with that :)

So, I'm home again, and this weekend I'll spend time with an old highschool friend, unpacking stuff at my new apartment. I'm excited to see her and settle more into Hannah House.

I'll post pictures of Hannah House and my new apartment soon.

Being Stretched

2008-08-13T07:00:00.003+08:00

So, everyone's been wondering how things are going at my new job - here's some of the juicy gossip (minus the juicy gossip).

Yesterday I started at 2pm, and got to talk for a while with one of the other staff members about labor and delivery, interventions, breastfeeding, and many other things midwifery, and I came away from the conversation discouraged. The staff member told me that although the ideal for these girls is natural and holistic, it doesn't often end up that way due to hospital politics and the true logistics. We talked about midwifery and how it just isn't feasible due to the distance to the midwifery office (about 30 minutes away) and the long waiting list. She also told me that the majority of the girls are induced due to the doctors decision or their own impatience. That was a little upsetting.

But as the night progressed, and the residents and I spent hours in conversation about pregnancy, labor and delivery and breastfeeding, I was pleasantly suprised at how much they DID know about it all, as compared to other young mothers in the community. The girls here participate in prenatal classes, which is more than the majority of girls can say. I was so happy that it's a part of the program here. The 15-year-old-mother-to-be was telling the other mother-to-be about colostrum, storing milk, and the new moms talked about the realities of breastfeeding, and gave some details about their own labors. It was like being at the dinner table of the OC all over again ;) It really put my heart at peace. The mother-t0-be who is due in November says she is aiming for an all-natural birth, and she's even taking yoga and reading some books to learn ways to cope in labor. She might be leaving the house soon to move into her own apartment, but a big part of me wants her to stay so I can follow through the rest of her pregnancy with her!

Today, I went to my first staff meeting, where the director went over today's fire inspection and we just talked about some current issues. Then I went grocery shopping with the current houseparent, and boy, was that ever an ordeal. She went to like 5 or 6 different stores, made 2 trips home in between, and was very organized! The thing that struck me today was how much already-prepared foods she bought. I guess living in the Philippines for two years and with the amazing cooks I lived with taught me to prepare most foods from scratch, using a majority of natural foods. But as we added packaged and dehydrated sauces, powders, hash browns, yogurt tubes, etc, to our cart, I came to realize how much these girls depend on packages to eat. That was a little sad. I know that they're teens and hard to please, but I hope they can broaden their horizons someday, and be open to cooking with more vegetables, herbs and spices.

Another thing that I find tough to swallow is that there are SO many donations here...it's ridiculous, really. God has really blessed this ministry, and it's so amazing to be a part of it. But it's hard to see a room full of diapers, wipes, bottles, soothers, etc that isn't being used or isn't needed, knowing that so many women and families go without in MMC clinic. I might bring up the idea of sending some of it over to the Phils with the director someday...we'll see :)

Other than this, life is OK. I'm excited to make friends here, besides my brothers and sisters. I went to a community church last Sunday, and it was awesome. I really hope I can continue to go there, which may be difficult living in Niagara Falls since the church is in a neighboring city.

I have my NARM next week (August 20), and I definitely haven't studied enough. I haven't let myself stress out about it, which perhaps is a mistake. We'll see! The Lord knows what I can and can't handle....

Working Again!!

2008-08-06T18:26:00.004+08:00

So, I had my first day at the new 'job' yesterday, and it was interesting. For those of you who don't know, I got a position as House Parent at a local Christian maternity home/group home for teen mom's.

The afternoon started off with a health inspection by Public Health, and I was shocked and daunted by the amount of 'cleansing' that is theoretically supposed to go on there. I guess I considered it more a house than an institution, which is it. It's extremely government regulated, so I better mind my p's and q's :)

Then after the inspection I sat down to dinner with the girls and the current-and-leaving House Parent, which was probably the most awkward dinner of my LIFE! One girl with a six-month old baby was friendly and sweet, and there was another pregnant girl who would look at me and talk. The other two ignored me and refused to make eye contact. It was weird, to say the least. Tacos were the order of the night, and I was missing the homemade tortillas, salsa, refried beans, etc from the O.C. Nothing beats it...believe me. So there's currently only 4 residents, but another one comes on Thursday who is due in December, and I'm really excited because she'll be new to the game too :)

Then I followed House Parent around with a checklist of things to teach me, and we had lots of good conversations. She's a really great girl, on her way to bible school for Biblical Couselling alongside her sister...should be fun. We talked about life, the girls, the job, God, missions work, etc. At one point we were in the basement and it started hailing, and I made her take me upstairs so I could see it - it's been over two years! She went to open the side door of the house, and the wind whipped it out of her hand and we were then pelted with pea-sized hail stones. It was funny, but the mess was kinda bad. We then retreated to the much safer covered porch to watch until it melted into normal rain. Good times.

I left around 8:30 pm, promising to return tonight at 8:30 pm to learn what it's like to close-up shop, so to speak. Excited kaayo ko.

I have a bunch of errands I need to run today for the job - driver's abstract, medical clearance, change of address, etc. I can't get into my doctor's office until next week, so I'm hoping the walk-in clinic can clear me. I'm relatively healthy, minus the random costochondritis that flairs up every so often. Random as in. I also want to visit the local midwifery office to see if I can get a well-woman instead of a gross physical at my doctor's office. I wanna meet them all too. Don't think I'll tell them I'm a midwife :)

My second youngest sister is going to Guatemala this Saturday for a missions trip and is incredibly under prepared and naive about it. I'm going to help her pack tomorrow. I think she thinks she's going on vacation. She'll be greatly suprised.

This is my beautiful family at my nana's 80th birthday party this week
Left to Right: Mom, Dad, Keith (17), Me, Rachael (22), Charles (19), Liz (16) and Hannah in front (7)

Starting Her Next Chapter

2008-07-29T03:46:00.003+08:00

So..it's been a week since I've been 'home' in the great, big country of Canada...and it's been good. I've been bored though, and so anxious to start my new job at Hannah House.

For those of you who are still in the dark, I got a job as House Parent at Hannah House, which is a maternity home/shelter for teen moms...it's pretty cool. Its located in Niagara Falls, Ontario...check it out...www.hannahhouse.ca.

Anyways, I did the whole interview process over Skype, and went today to meet the director...I'm so incredibly excited to start, and August 5th can not come any slower than it already is! We talked for about 2 hours, and she gave me a tour of the house. We talked about what the job would entail, and then I asked the dreaded question...

"Because of my education in midwifery, do you think I'd be able to use any of the stuff I've learned, or would you discourage it?"...

And....she basically gave me FREE REIN to teach the girls, educate them, empower them, listen to their babies and palpate their bellies!!! I'm so STINKING excited!!! I get to teach them nutrition, fetal development, labor and delivery, postpartum and breastfeeding....what more could I want??? And it's all in English!!! EEeeeee!!!

But I'm also terrified for the job...the girls didn't seem overly excited to meet me...they apparently LOVE the house parent that is leaving, and they're a little bitter she's on her way out. That doesn't make my entry very welcomed, but I've been assured they'll warm up easily and quickly. There's also lots of opportunity for organization in the house, and if you talk to any of the OC girls, they know I LOVE to organize.

So I'm praising God lots, but also praying for Grace. I'll be stretched daily with the emotional, group dynamics, and He'll need to provide me with lots of patience and compassion.

I miss the Phils like crazy though....I think about my friends daily. I've written a couple letters but haven't mailed them yet....but writing letters seems to take longer than email.

I miss coffee with SD in the am, sitting with LEH on the couch and talking about nothing, LAH in the corner giving good advice, JK behind me belting out songs, JF on the bed across from me always there...I miss you all so much girls. Hope to see you again soon.

A Graduate (almost)

2008-07-02T14:12:00.010+08:00

So, we had our graduation this weekend, and it was a blast, to say the least. We walked away with lots of papers including a diploma, each one of us getting an individualized award. There were certificates for those with amazing attitudes, perseverance and strength, and I got one for loyalty to my patients. Krys used the example of me taking my continuity swimming and doing hand stands in the pool to try to turn her breech :) It was a really sweet award, because I really put a lot of time and effort into honoring and loving my women, and it was nice to be noticed for that :)

However, I still can't honestly say I'm a graduated midwife, or that I have an Associates Degree in Midwifery....my graduation is technically still contingent on me passing the NARM (US Board Exam)...so the burden is not quite lifted yet!!

Me and Laura, my original room mate from all the way back in year one

Me and SD...I miss you girl!!

4 of my 5 roommates...

The 'Birthing Positions' poster we made for Krys.. :)

Jenna saw the package of 'plant food' on the counter and quickly stuck it in the bouquet only to be pointed out it's an Adobo-flavored snack - there's no plant food in this country!

A century new

2008-07-02T07:10:00.007+08:00

Well...it happened...I caught my 100th baby!! Eeee!! This is quite exciting. It was a wonderful birth. Ivy was endorsed to me at 10pm, and labored great. We had to work together at the end to keep from pushing at 8 cm, but soon after her little girl (2.2kg) quickly came with her cord wrapped around her foot about 4 times (it was 83 cm long).Ivy only pushed for 2o minutes , which is fantastic for a first time mom. She tore a little (due to a too-late noticed posterior nuchal hand), and I got to suture (which was also my first time suturing alone!). It was a busy night - LEH caught a baby and JF two (but one baby was transported). I later found out that Ivy had completed nursing school, and I wish I could have know that earlier...I would have been able to talk 'medical' with her instead of simplifying everything in layman's words. Oh well...a fantastic evening nonetheless.

Ivy with her new daughter Kim Lee. This mom is so beautiful.

Three of the four babies born that night. LEH's handle in the middle at 7 lbs far outweighed me and JF's 5 pounders...

Sad and Slightly Numb

2008-06-26T20:44:00.003+08:00

I got a text around 3 pm today that they needed to intubate baby Stephanie Joy, because her heart beat was irregular. My phone battery died, so when I was able to get my charger when i returned home hours later, I texted Ate Nenette to see how the baby was doing.

She told me that baby Stephanie had passed away - she's back with her sister 'Love' now. Her father took her back to Samal to bury her.

I'll go early tomorrow morning to visit An an at the hospital; she may be discharged tomorrow.

I recently watched an episode of "House", and Wilson the doctor was upset at Dr. Cameron for getting to close to patients. Her response:

"When a good person dies, there should be an impact on the world.Somebody should notice. Somebody should be upset. "

I know this really has nothing to do with the baby, but I could relate to it with the degree of how much I've invested into some of these women. Someone should notice. Someone should care.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him"

~ Lamentations 3:22-24

Praising Him More!!

2008-06-25T19:34:00.005+08:00

I was finally able to go visit Ate An an this afternoon, and she's doing well. I started the visit by going to the cashier and paying the total in their account from last night and today - about 16000 pesos. Yikes. That included the bills for the baby and mom. The day of the surgery we had made a 10000 peso downpayment, making the current bill close to 26000 pesos. That's about 590 dollars, made possible by a dear midwife friend from home.

Then I went upstairs to visit An an, and she was surrounded by some of her family members. It was nice to see them, since I hadn't seen some of them since my last visit to Samal. An an's in a lot of pain, and hasn't felt strong enough to go see her daughter yet, but she's doing well. She was shivering in her bed, so LEH and I went to go find her another cover (which cost us 15 pesos, put on her bill. mer) She had made it to the CR right before we came, so I think it drained her. But she's holding up as much as can be expected :)

Then LEH and I went to the NICU to try to see the baby and talk about finances and what the familys options are. We were somewhat able to see the baby through a couple windows, and she's actually bigger than we thought! She's quite long! She was on her stomach in the incubator, and you could see her small arms and legs move. The doctors said she actually breathed on her own (with no help at all) for the first 6 hours; before the CS An an had signed a waiver that no heroic efforts would be done to save the babies due to their prematurity. However, this little one was proving to all that she was a fighter. When they realized she might actually pull through, they asked for permission to start IV fluids and antibiotics.

This is baby Stephanie Joy (her official name) in her incubator..the best view we could get. Her head is to the right, and her right arm is folded under her. The white small blob is her splinted right foot with IV fluids.

This is how we looked at her and got her picture... thanks LEH

So...the cost to keep her in the incubator with the appropriate care runs a bill of anywhere from 5000-8000 pesos per day...that's about 110-180 per day. That's insane, considering she'll need to be hospitalized for AT LEAST a month before she's stable to go home. That means that if we were to keep her at this private hospital, it would cost over 4000 dollars for one month. That is attrocious! Or perhaps I'm too used to free health care in Canada.... Anyways, the easy option seems to be to transfer to the regional hospital that only charges the patients for meds, however they don't have an incubator for the baby. She'd only have a drop light and free flow oxygen at her disposal. So the family is taking it one day at a time, and keeping her at the private hospital since we currently have the funds to support another day or two. After that... the family either comes into a large sum of money, or we make the move to DMC.

But then I am reminded of this - her life is already a miracle thus far. If God has plans for her in THIS life, she'll survive whether she's in the incubator, in a plexiglass bed, or in her mom's arms at home. He's the healing Physician right now.

Holding her Breath...

2008-06-24T18:57:00.005+08:00

I just got these texts from An an's specialist who just performed the CS..

Dr: "Both babies still alive, but d bigger one s now bradycardic. an signd a waiver that no heroic measures be done on both babies. ann s ok, praise God. we did not do hysterectomy...will see her 2mrow am,wil make rounds pa".

Me: "Thank you so much doctor...We have been praying. How much do they weigh? Did she hold them?

Dr: "Ann was put to sleep, dificult because her bp is dropping, due to the size of her uterus...she was not able to hold either"

Dr:"1 weighs 700 gms, d other 3.96 k"

I just got a text from a family member...Love, the bigger one with fetal hydrops, just died. I hope An an gets to see her... I believe she is still recovering in the delivery room

UPDATE: 2 am 6/25/8

The little one made it this far, and they've started her on IV fluids and are running some tests. Apparently their prognosis for her is hopeful. An an's bantay texted me and said the doctor told them the baby will stay there three months. I know that premie babies usually stay in the intensive care until they are 'term' gestational-age speaking. This is a miracle, but it also comes with a fear of how we'll finance her stay there. I'm wondering if we might be able to transport her to the public hospital after she's stable... But the important thing right now is that we praise Him for giving her breath.

An an is stable and in her postpartum room. I can't wait to go visit her this afternooon.

I can't sleep. Not really surprising. I have day shift today. Please pray for grace for all involved.

Hoping and Praying

2008-06-24T17:04:00.002+08:00

Last night I got a text from our buntis-with- friend An an - she had some stomach pains and a fever - she was afraid it was labor, but she decided to stay home on Samal for the evening. She texted me again this morning that they were coming to Davao because she wasn't feeling well. She arrived around 9 o'clock am, and she could barely walk. It was hard to tell if it was round ligament pain or labor, because the pain was in her lower abdomen and her uterus is so distended that it's constantly tense - palpating for contractions is impossible.

We went to see her high-risk specialist, who did a quick ultrasound. Both baby girls were still alive and kicking (much to her dismay), and although all involved were hoping for cesarean due to the deteriorating health of An an, all of the ethics committees at the hospitals would have had a hayday regarding an elective CS with live babies who were doomed outside the uterus due to prematurity. (She's still about 27 weeks.) The doctor made some calls to surrounding doctors for advice, and decided an amnioreduction was in order. This procedure reduces some of the water in her uterus to help stop any uterine contractions due to overdistention and hopefully prolongs the pregnancy. It would also alleviate some of An an's pain (back pain, difficulties breathing, etc).

We made our way over to the local private hospital where An an's specialist works, and after some discussion on finances, admitted her. I left to take out more money, and soon returned after filling my stomach and emptying my bank account. A friend from home recently donated some money for An an and her family, really giving us hope for good care for her.

I stayed for about an hour studying for my final this friday (eek), then decided to just go home. There was no use for me waiting there.

As I was making my way home, the Dr texted me and asked me to go to the Delivery Room to talk to her. I told her I was making my way home for the SECOND time that day, and I couldn't return. She then proceeded to tell me An an was 5 cm dilated (much too far to stop labor), and they were going to do a CS. They were unsure if the large baby would be able to fit through her pelvis (it was also breech), so they decided a vaginal birth was contraindicated.

So...please pray. This doesn't end her problems...there's a huge risk of hemorrhage due to her uterus being so overdistended, and this also means neither of her babies will live. Today we named the babies...the little one is Joy, the big one is Love. I asked the doctor to try to make sure she can hold them after the surgery. I'm sure she'll be shocked at the difference in their sizes..one is nearly 4 kg, the other about 1.

Please also continue to pray for finances...And grace... And peace... And Love and Joy.

Trying to Spoonfeed

2008-06-22T19:15:00.009+08:00

I had no idea that making the transition to solids was so complicated...

Perhaps it had to do with the fact that she thought that licking the spoon was the way to go...

Here's some sipping...

Poking herself in the eye...wrong orifice...

A little air guitar....

We both look frustrated...

It took two of them, and they still couldn't figure it out.... Perhaps we'll try a smaller spoon next time.

Updating On An an

2008-06-17T13:13:00.002+08:00

Our buntis friend An an has been discharged from the local hospital, and her Hgb is up to 103! Yeah!! Today I bought her some iron supplements to take twice daily, and she'll be staying at a local pastor's house in the meantime. On July 1 she has her next ultrasound to see how the babies are doing, and I'm hoping to go with her. Taking it one day at a time :)

A Proud Midwife

2008-06-13T16:34:00.004+08:00

Just a couple weeks ago....

But now presenting little Stephanie Allaba, 5 lbs 6oz, 2420 g, 48 cm tall

Her mama is one of my favourite continuities, not because we have a great relationship or because she's an especially fun girl, but because she has gone through so many trials in this pregnancy and come out victorious! They range from multiple genitourinary infections to a low-lying placenta to home problems.

She came in 6/11/8 at 5 am and was 1 cm, then came back 6/12/8 at a couple minutes past midnight..she was then 2 cm. Talk about a long latent phase with regular, 10-minute contractions. Shockingly, she came back a final time that same day a couple minutes after noon and was fully dilated. I'm not sure why God has decided to bless me with continuities who come in fully dilated, yet I've never missed one. It's pretty fantastic.

2008-06-10T20:03:00.001+08:00

I just got a text from Ate Nenet...they have 2 bags of blood for An an! Praise the Lord! We're taking it one day at a time!!

Updating again

2008-06-08T21:39:00.002+08:00

Our buntis friend An an is still at DMC, and she's had 2 bags of blood. Her Hbg is still 83, so she needs 2 more bags. We're currently trying to find donors. I talked to the doctor, and she's going to stay at DMC even after the tranfusion. Their waiting for preterm labor or the babies to die (which they're expecting), then she'll deliver there. They want us to have lots of donors ready, due to the huge risk of her hemorrhaging at birth.

Keep praying for miracles!! We have faith that God will protect her through this, even if we don't understand what that means in human language.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-29

Updating again

2008-06-07T10:58:00.003+08:00

Jes and Carmen are on their way to the Philippine Red Cross to try to donate blood... An an's bantay was able to buy two bags of 'O' blood from the bank, but the third doesn't exist, so it needs to come fresh. Pray we can jump through today's hoops to get her the third bag.

I've had a couple friends from home offer to send money and help out her family...God is so great. He never ceases to amaze me.

Sometimes I get annoyed at the habitual, routine 'God Bless You' at the end of many texts, but today I mean it, deep and sincere... God Bless You.

Updating

2008-06-06T17:33:00.003+08:00

Update on An-an, our big buntis...

She's currently at DMC right now, waiting for a blood transfusion. She got some blood work today - her Hbg is 64, and her Hct is 22...needless to say, she's SEVERELY anemic.

We're hoping the blood bank has blood for her...if they don't, we need to round up the troops for donating blood, which is an awful process.

Keep praying!!

Praying Like Crazy

2008-06-05T19:18:00.003+08:00

An-an and Juvy

Some of you have already heard me speak of a girl I know who is pregnant with twins and having quite the complicated pregnancy.

I met An-an on Samal island, a place about an hour and a half from Davao City. She is a sister-in-law of a patient I delivered last October. She is currently about 25 weeks along, and her twins are experiencing severe complications: one baby is getting all the blood flow, nutrients, etc, while the other is suffering from a lack of oxygen and blood. From an ultrasound last week, it seems the smaller baby is currently around 800 g, the other 2300 g. As you can see, there is quite the difference.

The bigger twin is also suffering from hydrops fetalis, a serious complication causing severe body swelling. These complications are really jeopardizing her body and her babies; as a result, she's suffering from polyhydramnios, meaning her uterus contains way too much water. Subsequently, her uterus is stretched to a maximum, putting her at risk for preterm labor, uterine rupture, and massive hemorrhage. Without treatment (reducing the amount of water is one option), she remains an obstetrical nightmare.

I realize that to many of you she may just represent another maternal mortality statistic, but to me she is a friend. I wish I could single handedly pay for her hospital care, but I can't, neither is it appropriate for me to do, so I'm asking all of you to pray about it and consider supporting this family.

Another close friend here already has a gracious donor back home who is willing to help, but we'd like to give the opportunity for others to donate as well. This girl and her family, including her husband and 2-year old son need your prayers. Pray for a miracle...that's about her only hope at this point.

I'd love to answer more questions. Here are some articles on her condition for your information:

hydrops fetalis: http://www.emedicine.com/PED/topic1042.htm
polyhydramnios: http://www.emedicine.com/ped/TOPIC1854.HTM

4:30 pm
Update: An-an got new congenital scans on her twins today...the prognosis is grim. The big baby has increased to over 3.5 kg (which is macrosomic for it's age), and the little one is getting weaker and weaker.

The doctor said it's basically "hopeless". I know nothing is impossible with God, but in realistic terms, this woman is expecting both of her babies to die. The management at this point is wait until she goes into preterm labor, which is inevitable because of the size of her uterus and the stress on her body. They're planning on doing weekly ultrasounds to monitor the amount of water in her uterus (bag of waters), and then rushing her to a private hospital with high risk care for her delivery.

Please pray for this family..we're currently trying to find somewhere for her and her friend to stay in the city (since they're from a rural island), and still praying God will lead people to help pay for her finances. Each ultrasound costs about 10 dollars, which is tough when the average daily income is less than 5 US dollars. When it comes time for their delivery, the financial burden will increase exponentially.

Thank you all once again,
Tiff

Loving Life

2008-06-01T19:50:00.007+08:00

Welcoming Roldan Craig Emmons, born 6/1/8 at 12:20 pm. A/S 8/9, 3740 g, 8 lbs 4 oz. In loving memory of Roldan, a dear friend of the Emmons, who passed away suddenly not so long ago.

Behold the mother with her newborn child!
An icon of a hope that never dies.
Death may label all we cherish lies,
Yet this love lies too deep to be defiled.
We clear an inner field where fate has smiled,
Letting play the pleasures of surmise,
Holding back all contrary replies,
As though our thoughts might turn the winters mild.
Despite the well-known travesties of time,
Each time a child is born we dream anew,
For only thus our losses are regained.
Though we must share the destiny of slime,
No passion in our palette is more true
Than that which cradles innocence unstained.

Cathy's water broke early this morning, and by 8 am she was in active labor. After 40 minutes of amazing pushing and blowing us away with her stamina, attitude and perseverence, she pushed a healthy, big baby boy into Dan's waiting hands. It was honestly the best birth I've ever had the honor of being at. I'll never forget it.

Big Blessings in Small Packages

2008-05-31T13:10:00.011+08:00

This beautiful lady came in fully dilated last night with her first baby, and after only 15 minutes of pushing, was holding her 1880 g baby girl. I did the New Ballard maturity assessment to evaluate whether this little one was premature or SGA, and her score correlated perfectly with her GA by LMP - 39 weeks. Which I was happy for, because it meant that even though everything about her body is little, at least she's all developed and ready for the extra-uterine world. She did awesome - breastfed like a champ, had no respiratory distress... perfect little doll

Finding the cockroach...

Killing the cockroach...

Reminded HE is my refuge and strength

2008-05-21T08:10:00.013+08:00

Jes and I had the amazing opportunity of revisiting Juvy on the Garden Island of Samal this past Sunday - Juvy delivered way way back in October. We spent lots of time playing with her 7 month old son who has a HUGE personality, travelling the island on motorcycle, doing a prenatal on a high-risk woman, as well as a handful of well-womans. Please pray for Ate An an, the buntis girl - she is pregnant with twins in a pregnancy that could cost her the life of her babies and even her own. (For you midwives out there - 20 weeks GA, 48 FH, possible DM...yikes)

Note the scary scarecrow...

Jes measuring her fundal height..

Playing a shoe game with the kids...

Proud dad!

Two Worlds Collide

2008-05-15T13:15:00.003+08:00

So...sometimes I'm reminded how far I am from home, and sometimes I'm reminded how SMALL the world is. Last night I labored long (and she hard) with this beautiful girl Mikay. Just for your information, she was EIGHT cm in this pic... Needless to say, she had some pretty wicked coping skills. So..she gets endorsed to me at 2pm, and I didn't really meet her and her bana until about 2:30. The following is when my two worlds collided....

(bana walks into birthroom)

Tiffany: (shocked at the bana's t-shirt) Do you know who that band is??
Bana: Yes
Tiffany: Serious?
Bana: Yes. Emo
Tiffany: I went to High School with them. They're from my place! (hyperventilating a little at the surreal-ness of the moment)
Bana: (looks embarassed and won't make eye contact, making his way to the cubicle with a smile on his face)
Tiffany: (goes to sit down, mouth agape)

Later on...

Tiffany: So, did you buy that shirt at ukay-ukay or at a store?
Bana: At a store
Tiffany: Which one?
Bana: A print shop.
Tiffany: Which one?
Bana: My friends.
Tiffany: So, you seriously know them?
Bana: Yes, since High School
Tiffany: Do you know other bands like them?
Bana: Yes, Silverstein
Tiffany: Oh my goodness, I know them too!! Do you know Sleeper Set Sail?
Bana: Yes.

(Tiffany leaves cubicle again)

So... if you can get the gist of this conversation, my labor's bana listens to music I thought was fairly 'north american', and from indy roots. And I know them... they're kind of special to our music scene back home. It made me wonder how much influence the music in our city influences the rest of the world, and what 'SCENE' means to other teenagers. I have some CD's from these bands that I'm thinking I'll give him... SO INCREDIBLY WEIRD

Visiting Continuities in All The Right Places...

2008-05-15T12:57:00.011+08:00

Having the opportunity to spend time with continuities is always a blessing, especially when it's out of the city. Last Sunday, Mother's Day, I was able to go with my continuity Emelie to Tagum City for Shy shy's baby dedication. It was such fun. I also had a very intriguing cultural experience; I always knew mother's were honored in this country, but I never understood the extent to which they are truly revered. During the church service, all the mother's were asked to come to the front, in which case they were prayed over and some of the daughters gave their thanks. ALL of the mother's were bawling their eyes out, as were their daughters!! It was so...different! Then all the men in the church proceeded to the front to shake the mother's hands and hug them. I'm still not sure if other churches do this or this is truly Filipino, or it was just this church. I'll have to wait and see next year :)

All the women up at the front of the church, being prayed over

My continuity is the one covered her face...she seriously was a wreck

All the men going up...

The baby dedication..unfortunately, the photographer's skills weren't too stellar

Being A Nerd

2008-05-08T19:50:00.008+08:00

I have a crazy busy schedule this week, and as much as I whine to my friends about it, deep down I really love it. It's not uncommon for me to wander over if I'm bored or have nothing to do (which is rare).. I love to be there. I had one day off this week, which was today, and even though I wasn't scheduled, I spent the entire morning there. Since today is my normal prenatal day, I had continuities...I just didn't realize I'd have FIVE. Then I did one well-woman exam on Melanie (see last post), 2 baby check ups, had our clinic-in-a-box meeting, then a meeting on student evalualtions. And I loved every minute of it... Like I've said a billion times before... This isn't a job. Here are some pics from my hours spent at the clinic so far this week.

Me and Serena caught babies on the same shift (a first), so we had to take a pic together, of course. Conveniently, her's was a girl and mine was a boy. We think they'll hook up when they're older, since they were delivered a mere 7 minutes apart.

This is Mimi, the mother of the little boy above. This was her first baby, and did a great job, even if she was a little frantic in labor. That's to be expected sometimes!!

This is Lyn, Janelle's last mom, and I hope she isn't mad at me for posting this picture before I give to her from my camera. This girl is just 16 years old, but her birth was amazing. Janelle wrote about her in a facebook note entitled something about 'mercy girls', but since I have no idea how to make links from a post, you'll just have to go to her page to read it.

This is Beverly, a continuity who is still pregnant. I have spent a lot of time with her throughout the last couple of months due to some health problems of hers, and I'm hoping I can spread some Love to her that she may not be receiving elsewhere. I'm investing a lot in her...some girls just need it. Every time I see her, she reminds me of my sister Rachael, only Filipina. You can't necessarily tell from this pic, but they look similar.

Listening to Beverly's baby. The ultrasound says "probably female", which is exciting because her 2 year old is a boy, and she'll name the baby after me if it IS a girl :)

Enjoying A Blast From The Past

2008-05-08T19:05:00.011+08:00

It's Well Woman season, so I've been spending some time with old patients, getting reacquainted and doing basic exams on them: blood pressure, temperature, pulse, teaching breast exams, asking questions about their body systems... I have to admit it's pretty boring, but our program requires 30 of them by graduation. So, I'm using it as an excuse to visit women from the past, bearing gifts of homemade cookies. It's been awesome so far! Only 23 more to go...aguy.

Continuity Mary Joy with Lynette Angel born 1/23/8

Mary Joy and Lynette Angel
As soon as this little blessing was born, Mary Joy couldn't stop saying, "You're my angel, you're my angel" to the newborn...hence the name :) Doesn't the name fit her??

This is Melanie, and she was actually transported to the hospital in March due to unreassuring fetal heart tones. It was the first time I'd seen her since my visit to the hospital, and her and her son are doing marvelous.

Little Shy Shy (Shyra Angela), my continuity Emelie's baby, born 12/24/07. She's a really special one, and I spend quite a bit of time with this family, including lots of texting :) I'm going to Tagum city this Sunday for her Christening...

This is Jeschel, my continuity who delivered on my birthday way back on 2/1/08. Her son was transported due to thick meconium staining, and spent about a week in the sick neonates at DMC. I really enjoy spending time with her, and I made spaghetti at her house once, written about in a previous post.

This is my continuity and friend Cherry Amor, doing what Filipinos do best. She is my continuity who had to deliver in the hospital April 5th due to severe oligohydramnios. Her daughter Eriche was diagnosed with the heart problem, and is having a difficult time thriving, even with all the love her family is showering on her. She needs a miracle, either in the form of sudden healing or finances to surgically fix the problem. It's tough watching her get thinner and thinner.

This is little Eriche and her lola (grandmother). The sign in the background is the sign her lolo (grandfather) made upon her arrival home from Brokenshire after her birth.

Dreaming Dreams

2008-04-29T19:06:00.004+08:00

This is for you, O Jurassic Park dreams...

"This is what God the Lord says -
he who created the heavens and stretched them out,
who spread out the earth and all that comes out of it,
who gives breath to its people,
and life to those who walk on it;
I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness;
I will take hold of your hand.
I will keep you and make you
to be a covenant for the people
and a light for the Gentiles,
to open the eyes that are blind,
to free captives from prison
and to release from the dungeon those
who sit in darkness.

I am the Lord; that is my name!
I will not give glory to another
or my praise to idols,
See, the former things have taken place,
and new things I declare;
before they spring into being
I announce them to you!

Recapping

2008-04-25T16:15:00.011+08:00

Life has been pretty crazy lately, so here's a little synopsis:

Cherry Amor's baby, who delivered at the private hospital for severe oligohydramnios was diagnosed with pulmonary stenosis causing pulmonary venous return...meaning her veins leading to her lungs are really narrow, so blood is being shunted back to her left ventricle. Her heart is engorged and she's not oxygenating very well. She was supposed to fly to Manila last week for emergency surgery, but her family is unable to afford it, so they declined against medical advice. It was hard to support her as a friend when I know the dangers of refusing such a surgery. I'm really praying God heals that little girl or the family all of a sudden comes up with 350,000 pesos (which is over 7000 US dollars), and the average Filipino family we serve makes less than 5 US dollars a day. It doesn't really add up.

I've been on cooking duty with SM and SD this week, and it's been fun. We had to ask for a little more money, but I think it's to be expected since the clinic has stopped preparing food for the midwives. We're on our own now...and it's a little more stressful for the cooking team to have to provide all those extra meals that we used to take for granted. Like they say, you don't know what you have til it's gone.

Serena make cooking a lot more 'exciting' when she dropped a pan full of grease onto the floor in her attempts to poor my chicken-frying grease into a can...it was kinda interesting to clean up. We used salt and flour...it worked well :) Needless to say, the floor has a unique 'shine' to it now.

Our friend Ruth from church got married to a missionary friend, and they had a beautiful wedding. Jenna and Lois did hair and makeup, so that was special. You can see more pics on Jenna's blog.

I had the privilege of catching Mery Cris' first baby this week, and she did a fantastic job. 7 IE's over 2 days, urinary catheterization and 54 hours later, she pushed her 8 pound daughter into the world with only a small tear.... I was so proud of her. Her postpartum wasn't so fun, but the next morning she was able to go home and finally get some rest. Her daughter Angel Mary is probably one of the most beautiful babies I've ever seen. I want to have a baby just like her....seriously.

And this is little Capri Joy, my cousin's little girl. She's a beauty.

Feeling Lost

2008-04-16T21:01:00.002+08:00

SO, my cousin back home is in labor as we speak, and as a midwife half the world away, I feel pretty useless. Her prenatal education/care has consisted of doctor's visits and ultrasounds to make sure her and the baby are ok... but when it comes down to the nitty gritty of labor, she has no idea what is going on with her body. And in this case, ignorance equals fear, and fear equals pain. It makes me want to go home and hold free prenatal classes for these young women. Knowledge is power, and it breaks my heart to see them so dependent on the hospital for their care. I'm praying her labor is precipitous so she doesn't have to suffer so long..because that's what's she's doing...suffering. My mom is going over to her house to teach her simple breathing exercises and bringing her a hot water bottle. I should be there...I was there for her first boyfriend, camp days, first day of highschool, wedding... but alas, here I am, Skype bringing me the closest I can be to her right now. It's tragic.

Relaxing

2008-04-15T16:52:00.010+08:00

Ever since we handed in our last assignment, life has been different...for the first time in almost 2 years, it's been pretty chill. I've been studying on and off for the upcoming 'practice tests', but I've also been able to read a book for pleasure, watch some movies, and hang out with the girls I live with more. Ukay Ukay shopping, new coffee shops, swimming, malling...It's been pretty awesome. The other day when I was at work my continuity came in fully dilated, which was awesome. It was just me and Jenny, and it was a beautiful birth. I realized how amazing a midwife Ms. Jenny is...as I fumbled around like a newbie, she took control and it was awesome.. thanks JF :)

My continuity and her new son Gian...

Our garb for ukay ukay shopping, totally without planning it...

What's going on under the table, Serena??

Jenna giving a pedi, that's what!

My continuity who delivered an almost 9-lb baby at 58 cm long...
this is him at 1 week old. He is so stinking long...

Done

2008-04-08T11:20:00.001+08:00

I'm done...

with assignments

with book reports

with anne frye

and oxorn foot

and myles

at least for now.

Bring on the babies...

and studying

It's all Lookin' Up

2008-04-05T19:47:00.007+08:00

Like I said before, it was a rough week. I lost 3 continuities this week: Juliet (my judo fighter) went back to the bukid to have her baby at home, Phairline was tranported in labor, and Cherry Amor was induced at a private hospital for severe oligohydramnios. God has really been stretching me emotionally this week, and as much as it's painful, it makes my life way more dynamic and full of...flavor. He's really been teaching me about sovereignty and surrender. The universe has shifted over for some new souls, and the world will never be the same. Enjoy the pictures

succenturiate lobe :)

A hard days night (the bantay is under the cover)
Yvaine, my little oligo baby at Brokenshire.
She does have arms and legs, believe it or not

Being Still

2008-04-03T13:20:00.005+08:00

I've had a couple days like no other (and not in a good way), but I see God's hand in it, even though I don't understand it all. Whether it's been in tears, new babies or gentle words from friends, He's speaking.

Spurgeon ~ "God will never do anything with us till he has first of all undone us.” ~

I'm definitely being undone.

Little 8 month twins at DMC

He's a BiG One!!

2008-04-01T20:07:00.005+08:00

Presenting: Charlie Insani, born 3/30/08 at 4:36 am... 8 lbs 15 oz, 58 cm long!! My second biggest baby, and my first 4 kilo baby this year (4060 g)!!!!

80 little babies new in the world, 80 little babies now... Push one out, miracle no doubt, 80 little babies new in the world

2008-03-29T09:26:00.008+08:00

What a productive, fulfilling shift looks like:

1) Suturing SD's mom with EA's wonderful teaching (despite my ineptitude)
2) Charting for MT's birth
3) Brown-out laboring with an amazing mother-in-law
4) IV insertion (unsuccessful, but a good attempt nonetheless)
5) Brown-out baby out!
6) 80 babies!!!

My swing shift on 3/27 was just this shift - fast paced, but relaxed; busy, but fun. Thanks JL for holding my light, and JO for being there.

A New Friend

2008-03-25T23:19:00.006+08:00

This is my new friend Shannon. Sometimes people come along who just make sense in the time and place. She's one of those girls right now. She's been a real blessing... Here are some pics from our weekend at the beach for JK and LAH's bday bash... out of this world

Relating

2008-03-25T16:50:00.002+08:00

I have this song on my computer...and I'm pretty sure it's the first time I've heard it. But it kind of explains exactly how I feel sometimes...like right now. It's by Chris Rice.. called 'Smell the Color 9'

I would take no for an answer,
Just to know I heard you speak,
And I'm wondering why I've never,
Seen the signs they claim they see,
A lotta special revelations,
Meant for everybody but me,
Maybe I don't truly know You,
or maybe I just simply believe...

Cause I can sniff, I can see, and I can
count up pretty high; but these faculties
aren't getting me any closer to the sky,
but my heart of faith keeps poundin' so
I know I'm doin' fine but sometimes findin
you is just like tryin to smell the color nine.
Smell the color nine...

Now I've never felt the presence,
But I know You're always near,
And I've never heard the calling,
But somehow You've led me right here,
So I'm not lookin' for burnin' bushes,
Or some Divine graffiti to appear,
I'm just beggin You for Your wisdom,
And I believe You're puttin' some here...

Nine's not a color...
and if even if it were you can't smell a color,no
that's my point exactly.

Celebrating Her Birth 23 Years Ago

2008-03-20T08:25:00.012+08:00

It was Lois' bday!! Unfortunately I had day shift, so you'll have to go to Jenna's blog (whenever she posts) to see pics of the morning events, but I caught up with them in the afternoon for 'malling' and dinner, which was fantastic. We love you Lo...I love you!!

Having Fun with A Friend

2008-03-17T16:52:00.009+08:00

Today was a TK and LEH day... and we haven't had one is WAY TOO LONG! (She'll agree to this) We started off the day with Gram Stains, which was exciting and slightly nauseating, but saw some 'interesting' things and enjoyed each others company (at least I enjoyed hers). I'm always inspired by her efforts to speak Vasayan, and I know I have some catching up to do when I don't understand what she's saying!

Laura and I with our 'gear'...we got a buntis to take this picture, and I'm pretty sure she thought we were crazy, and was probably hoping WE never do HER prenatals...

Then I had a great baby check with my continuity FC (see picture a couple posts ago when she was still buntis), who delivered on 3/16/08. I delivered her baby last April, so it's fun to be able to offer continuity of care. And she brought her daughter who I caught only 11 months ago, and I think it's the oldest baby I've seen that I caught! It was so special.

Princess April (who I caught last April), Fatima, myself and baby Gian Carlo

Then I went with LEH to visit a handle in Agdao who is very anemic, and I brought her some yummy iron supplements and mangos. I just wanted her to know I cared...and that she's more than a patient to me. She's a mom of 6, and her and her bana are just cool, real people. They have 4 boys and 2 girls, which is opposite of my family...it's fun to be able to relate to the mom's...it's a little like being able to relate to MY mom is a whole different plane of time and space, if that makes any sense :) What if I was the person who caught my mom's baby 7 years ago? What if I was the one who helped her bring her 6th baby into the world? I'd like her to know she's more than just a patient... :)

This is Adelaida and baby Noah... She is the mother of 6 now. She had quite the complicated postpartum, and with an EBL of just over 1000 mL, is now severely anemia (some women can bounce right back from that, others can't). She got a CBC at the hospital 4 days PP, and was 23 hct, but refused a blood transfusion because they would not let her breastfeed while admitted. Such a sacrifice... so we're doing iron supplementation and lots of green vegetables to bring up her iron levels... Pray we can do it quickly... she's very tired, weak and getting bad headaches.

Holding Babies

2008-03-13T14:35:00.011+08:00

This past week Sunday I spend the day with my continuity Emilie, the one who delivered on December 24th (see the post 'Lovin' Babies'...) Her, her bana and baby came to church with me, which was special, then we went back to their "cute little house" for lunch. Then, on a spur of the moment decision, we decided to walk to People's Park. They hadn't been yet, so I was able to convince them to make the long trek (a fifteen minute walk, which is a marathon for a Filipino). I held little 'Shy-shy' the whole time, and I definitely got many looks and questions as to whether I was the mother...she's a bit puti. Most of the time I just smiled, but at one point, Emilie made up this entire story that my bana lives in the bukid and only comes down a couple times a month...such a tale. She said this all in Vasayan, so I didn't really get any of the details until after the conversation was over with our pedicab driver...but she thought she was quite something. So fun... I was going to spend this Sunday with them again, but Araw ng Dabaw has taken over, so next time na lang!

They have decorated their house with pictures I've given them over time...Shyra's birth and postpartum checkups!
The little teddy bear was given to them by Starla!! Thanks Star!

Jesmarjo and little Joanna, a neighbour

Showering Down Love

2008-03-13T14:33:00.003+08:00

We recently threw a friend, Ruth, a bridal shower, and it was an amazing night. She gots lots of great gifts (se-cret!!!), and we ate lots of good food. Please go to Jenna's Blog to see some pics.... no point in being redundant :) Hope you are all having a fantastic week

Relaxed

2008-03-08T14:31:00.007+08:00

This week has been busy, but not so much with catching babies. I've done many baby checks, labor watched, and transported. I've been visiting and keeping in contact with one single, 34 year old mother I transported who had an interesting story. She's great, and really in love with her new son "Theo Rign". They make a great couple.

Ate J and Theo

AV and Jan at their 1 month check-up. She's a nursing student, and her husband stays home with their two children (the first is only a little over a year old)

Me and FC....I delivered her last baby in April 07. She's 20 and this is her 4th pregnancy, although her first ended in a miscarriage

Being a Midwife Again

2008-03-01T19:07:00.011+08:00

Well...it finally happened...after a two week fast of catching babies. God thought I was apparently complaining to much, and thought it would be funny to treat me to two babies in one day! And I didn't even labor watch once.... Crazy. I got a text from SD around 10:15 am that my continuity Lalang was there, and to hurry. Thankfully, I'd been texting her earlier, so I was all dressed and ready. I went over to the clinic, and caught a beautiful baby boy at 10:35 am. This was her third child and her first son, so it went very smooth and it was fun to see them so excited for a boy, a longing fulfilled. She had a very easy postpartum, and by the time I was able to settle them and finish my paperwork, it was almost time for my scheduled swing shift at 2pm. There was one labor that SD had been with all morning, and I was hoping she'd wait for awhile to want to push, since the other two girls on my shift had an exam that needed to be written, and I was technically last up. Alas....she started to push, and I caught my second baby of the day. A first! It was a beautiful, easy birth - Blessy Joie was only 16, but she only pushed for 15 minutes, and that was slowing her down! She didn't even tear....it was nuts.

So...history was made. And....I caught my 75th baby!! Yeah!!

My continuity Lalang, her bana, and little Benjo

This is Fritz Suzette, baby number 75! She is quite possibly the cutest baby ever

Watching Spaghetting Bring People Together

2008-02-26T20:48:00.002+08:00

Today I spent the afternoon at my continuity Jes' house making spaghetti (more like watching her make sphaghetti)...Filipino spaghetti, that is. (Recap: Jes is the mom who gave birth on my birthday, and we transported her baby boy due to respiratory distress)

I was afraid I hadn't bought enough ingredients for her family and me, but God multiplied it, and we were able to share with many of the neighbors. It was awesome. I have to admit... I was choking down the last couple bites, and washing it down with coke. You can only take so much of the sweetened stuff if you aren't accustomed to it!

He has the widest eyes.....he always looks like he's in shock!

Tasting Coffee

2008-02-24T08:04:00.008+08:00

We have some friends who are planning on opening a new coffee shop here in the city, so yesterday afternoon we sat down and did a 'cupping', which is a like a taste-test for coffee! It was so much fun, and reminded me of my winery days! Let me tell you...there are now TWO coffee shops here in Davao that I will never drink coffee at again, because I KNOW THE TRUTH! They had extremely bad coffee.... and then there was this ONE, which was amazing... and apparently it's the 'Balos' coffee, which has quite a story. The civets (this rodent-like animal but bigger) finds the best coffee cherries, eats them, and the beans ferment in their stomach, and then are 'excreted'. Well, as gross as it sounds, it was the best coffee of the day :)

Mourning

2008-02-06T10:53:00.000+08:00

I wish there was a way that the entire world could stop and take a breath when a little baby begins and ends life at the same time; that other's could acknowledge the parents that just had their entire world crash down on them. I wish we didn't have to continue on with mundane activities when a woman still showing the beautiful signs of pregnancy is mourning her lost child.

Back to the hospital

2008-02-06T08:11:00.000+08:00

I've been visiting my two continuities lots (like I said), and I went again this morning to bantay Charris. I also made a late trip last night to bring her baby clothes and diapers, and visited Jes also. I was finally able to take pics of their beautiful babies...

Presenting: Clark Steffan, born 2/1/8 @ 11:53 pm A/S 7/7/7 NSVD with lots of help!

Presenting: Grearis Monteverde, born 2/4/8 @ 6:53 pm A/S 6/8 by Cesarean

Visiting Continuities in All The Wrong Places...

2008-02-05T18:23:00.000+08:00

This weekend ended up being an interesting 23rd birthday to say the least. I spent all of Feb 1 with my continuity Jes who finally delivered at 11:43 pm (I told her it HAD to be on my birthday), but we had to transport the baby for fairly severe respiratory distress. It was sad, because she had a perfect pregnancy - no complications at all! But her labor was long and hard. After about 30 hours of gruelling labor, she fell asleep 20 minutes after the baby was born and had already been transported. The poor thing was EXHAUSTED! She practically slept through suturing too!
Saturday and Sunday some of us girls went to Isla Reta to relax and grill lots of meat to eat, but I ended up getting a bad headache (surely due to exhaustion, the sun and dehydration), so I went to bed early, took the ferry home early in the AM, and spent all of Sunday in bed.

Monday started as a much nicer day - no headache and initial prenatals. However, it turn a turn for the sad as Charris, my continuity, texted me that she was in early labor and coming to Mercy. Sadly her baby was still breech, so I got the transport papers ready. I was able to take her in at 1 cm still, and the doctors were happy for that. We had tried everything to get that baby to turn: headstands in the pool, exercises, using flashlights to guide the baby, even tried external version, which was unsuccessful! That baby just did not want to turn!

I went to visit Charris last night at the hospital, and she was still waiting for a C-section. I'm not sure the logic to transporting early in labor and then waiting all day to perform surgery, but I'm sure there is one. I went back this morning to visit both Jes (and her baby) and Charris - I've been there every day for the past 3 days. Jes and her baby are doing grand - little Clark Steffan is off IV and oxygen, and they'll keep him until Friday to continue antibiotics and observe. Charris was still a little sleepy with the anesthetic from surgery, and hadn't seen her baby yet.

I'll go back visit both girls tomorrow, and probably again later in the week. The good thing is that God renews his mercies each day...we all couldn't do it without Him.

Spending Time Outside the Clinic

2008-01-25T17:43:00.000+08:00

Both yesterday and today I got to spend time with patients from Mercy - one who is still buntis, the other who delivered last October. They were fun, but exhausting, days. I think I could get used to it though, because they both sent me home with yummy Filipino treats....leche flan, pineapple and atchara.....sweet deal. I'm slowly filling the personal fridge.

On the Roof

2008-01-18T17:38:00.000+08:00

I don't go out on our balcony very often....I think because my old laptop didn't pick up the internet signal. However, when I did find myself out there, I was doing devotionals, soaking (in Him), or needing a place to escape. Today I spent most of the afternoon out there, watching and praising and listening. I love it out here....I need to come more often. Especially since it's about 25 feel from the door to my bedroom.

Content

2008-01-15T19:03:00.000+08:00

Well, I took Chariss and a friend of hers with her two kids swimming, and even if we didn't turn that breech baby, we had fun! I was very impressed with her..it was her first time holding her breath under water, and the next try she did an amazing hand stand! I was so proud of her! Since hunger makes EVERYONE hungry, we went for BBQ chicken after..my fav! So fun.

Bowing Down

2008-01-15T13:11:00.000+08:00

Two weeks ago (January 2), I did a prenatal on Charris, a 20 year old first-time mom. I had done her initial prenatal a couple months previous, and I had thought she was super sweet and continuity material. When I saw her this time, she was having some pretty strong Braxton-Hicks contractions... a little too strong for 34 weeks. I decided to take her as a continuity, and go with her the next day to a ob/gyne for a check up.

The next morning I met her at Mercy, and we went to the doctor's clinic. This is a Christian doctor, and she was amazing. She palpated Charris' belly, and perscribed her some tocolytics, which are meds to stop uterine contractions. She also sent us for an ultrasound, to determine if the baby was actually term or not. When we got the US, things took a turn for the worse. Not only was the baby breech, but she had bad oligohydramnios! That means her amniotic sac didn't have enough water inside it; the minimum to be in the normal range is 8 cm total. She only had 4 cm! And her biophysical profile was 5/8....which means her baby was definitely not doing so good in there! So, that very night, we admitted her into the Well Family Midwife Clinic in Panacan to rehydrate her by IV solution for 3 days, and she began drinking massive amounts of water.

That weekend, I visited her two times, and I even brought my laptop so we could watch some movies. It was a great time, and I got to meet some of her family and hang out with them.

Here comes the good part.... Just this past week (Jan 11), she got another ultrasound...and she now has an ELEVEN cm AFI!!! That means in just 9 days she was able to go from an almost severe state to having more than adequate fluid inside! I literally cried when she gave me the US...I was so SO proud of her, and my joy overflowed! I couldn't believe how God had demonstrated His glory! I mean, I asked Him to work a miracle in her body...but my faith was the only thing giving me hope, because she had a HUGE goal to reach... And He did it, and I was so incredibly humbled! AND, her baby had a biophysical profile of 8/8!! Praise the Lord!!

We're giving the baby another week to turn on it's own, then we'll do another US and then try external version if all the conditions are OK...no cord coil, still adequate water, normal heart tones, etc. However....in the meantime...we're going swimming!! Should this work, I'll be a HUGE proponent of turning breeches through swimming! And if it doesn't work, we'll have had some fun together!

Loving God

2008-01-09T09:21:00.000+08:00

"To man belongs the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue.
All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord.
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
The Lord works out everything for his own end - even the wicked for a day of disaster.
When a man's ways are pleasing to the Lord, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him.
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."
Proverbs 16:1-9

Today I am reminded that God has given us a wonderful FREE WILL, and he WANTS to give us the desires of our hearts! He tells us that as long as we glorify Him, he will make our plans succeed. It brings to mind the wonderful image of a father leading his newly-walking toddler around; the child goes in his own directions and walks to the places that satisfy his curiosity, and the father is there, all along, holding his two hands. He ensures we don't stumble and fall, laughing and smiling the entire time, because his beloved child is exercising his free will, and growing up. Both take joy in the journey.

On a different note... Just yesterday I was thinking to myself, "I wonder if any of my old handles/continuities are pregnant again....this would be about the time." It's always fun when we see a girl in prenatals and her midwife was one of the graduating students. Crazy thing happened just now!! HB texted me that I was the midwife last April of a girl in her prenatal line-up today, and she asked if I wanted to take her again. Of course! I remember the birth too! Birth stool, beautiful Filipina, beautiful birth.... Praise God...he DOES indeed give us the desires of our hearts! And perhaps I'll put in a small talk about family planning..she's now 21 and it's her fourth baby!!

Loving Birth

2007-12-27T14:00:00.000+08:00

This month has been crazy busy, but so so amazing. A continuity of mine, Emelie, delivered a couple days ago. After I spent 20 hours with her, I was honestly able to say it was the best Christmas gift ever! Serena and I sang her and her husband "We wish you a Merry Christmas" as the clock struck twelve and they tried to sleep with their brand-new, 5 pound baby girl. She was a special little gift, as she came a little early (36 4/7 weeks) and she didn't have much water left in her amniotic sac (borderline oligo). Her parents were so SO amazing in labor, and when the baby finally came, after 12 hours of ACTIVE labor, we all cried tears of joy! Little Shyra Angela greeted the world on December 24th, at 8:18 pm, with a 13 oz placenta (small kaayo) and only a 30 ebl! Emelie and her husband, Jesmarjo, are fantastic parents, and so So in love with her little daughter. I'm in love with them. And my God.

Encouraged by Classmates...

2007-12-19T12:11:00.000+08:00

This one goes to to Holly!

John 15: 1-5

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. "

Getting Encouraging, Random Messages

2007-12-15T12:34:00.000+08:00

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: Rich Date: 13/12/2007
Hi Tiff,

No, we've never met (LOL, thats usually the first question people ask.)

Just wanted to ask, what is the deal with all the midwife students in Davao? I've noticed several on My Space. Is there a popular school there?

Why here in the Philippines? Just kinda curious. :)
Take care.
Rich

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: Tiff Date: Dec 13, 2007 11:17 PM
Hey. We attend New life International School of Midwifery, working at a charity clinic called Mercy Maternity Center. It's a missions-based school out of the US, but we're doing our schooling and practical work here in the Philippines. Right now there's about 20 students...it's a private school. Hope that answers some questions :)

Tiff

From Rich Date: Dec 15, 2007

Hi Tiff,I looked up the school's website. Wow, you guys don't have it easy. It is one thing to go to school, but another to do it while trying to adjust to a foreign culture. It doesn't look like the school cuts you very much slack. I think it's very admirable. And the service you provide is incredible. In the middle of all the political scandals, it's so refreshing to see people helping out each other.But I suppose it's your faith that helps you all though it.

James 2:14-18

May your school, everyone involved in it, and everyone who is helped by it, be blessed.

Rich

James 2:14-18

What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds". Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.

Loving Beautiful Filipinas

2007-12-14T14:11:00.001+08:00

Last week I had the honor being Lisa's midwife, who happens to be one of the sweetest, most beautiful women I've met here. I just thought I'd show her off :) I told her I was going to take her baby, Zyra Jane, home because she's so incredible cute.

Taking Continuities

2007-12-11T15:22:00.000+08:00

I have a (bad) habit of taking a lot of continuities...including past girls and future girls that I've included in my list of continuities, I have about 26 total. That's a little nuts...but so so fun. I can't help it that I like the idea of continuity of care!

Yesterday I worked the swing shift, which is from 2 pm to 10 pm. Janelle and Josephine both had births within 5 minutes in the first half-hour of our shift. After that, it was pretty slow. At one point, I looked out the window and I saw three college school girls in their uniforms sitting on the bench. I asked Ate May if they were friends of one of the girls who had given birth, but she told me that one of the girls was pregnant, and had missed her morning initial prenatal...apparently she had class, and thought it was OK to come in the evening:) I guess she was waiting for the guard to give her a new day to come back, but the guard was running some errands, so they sat around for a while. By the time I heard what was going on, they were about to leave the clinic, and I told Ate May I might as well take her as a continuity and do her initial prenatal, so she can get into rotation.

Ate May proceeded to run out the door and call the girls back, and they came, giggling all the way. I had them follow me into a cubicle, where they continued to giggle like young school girls. Let me tell you, was I even surprised when the pregnant one told me she was 23....who would have known??

I proceeded to take her history, and found out that she won't be putting the father's name on her chart or on the baby's birth certificate, because "he's not responsible"....hmmm... I guess he's not so keen on the idea of being a father quite yet.

Needless to say, it was probably one of the most fun prenatals I've ever done, mostly because her friends were a little peanut gallery during the entire ordeal. They never stopped teasing her, but in a light-hearted way. Juliet, now my newest continuity, is due April 14th 2008. She told me the funniest thing yet...she's on a full scholarship at her school for varsity judo. AND, best of all...she's still doing it, at 5 months pregnant!! I asked if she was going to stop when she gets bigger, and she said, "No, it's all about balance"....apparently, she thinks she can still do it, having a huge belly in front. We'll see just how great her balance is then :) I asked her to show me some moves, but she said she didn't have her "proper attire". Haha.

She hasn't told her parents yet - she's from the province, and she lives in a boarding house here in the city. She thinks they'll be disappointed....the most likely response. The weirdest thing about her prenatal was, that even though she was now in this situation as a single young mom, in her 3rd year of criminology in college, she kept laughing and giggling, as if all was well with the world. I'm not sure if that truly is her mentality, or a defence mechanism.

I'm excited to spend more time with her and her giddy friends, and get to know her more. Maybe she'll show me some moves ;)

Maybe I'm crazy, but I DO NOT want my 9 month continuity flying through the air like this....maybe I can convince her to keep her feet on the ground. She better be good...

Singing with Joy Again

2007-12-06T09:42:00.000+08:00

Last night at 5:39 pm, little Ace John finally made his entrance into the world, after a long labor and almost two minutes of stuck shoulders with his head already out! Being 7 pounds 10 ounces, over a pound and half bigger than his older sister, it's no wonder he got a little stuck! It was such an honor to be there for this birth...God reminds me today that it is I who am blessed to be at these births...as I listen through women's bellies, as I feel the little baby's hands and feet through their abdomens, as I am the first to touch the little ones as they come into the world...God speaks to me.

Updating

2007-11-27T14:43:00.000+08:00

Today is the Lord’s Day, Sunday November 25, and I definitely got to experience another little miracle today…catch number 55! I woke up to a text at 6:45 am from a classmate at the clinic, saying my young continuity Cristine was in early labor. I quickly got ready and went over to the clinic. Apparently 15-year-old Cristine had come to the clinic to get an IE and then go home…however…we don’t let those 8cm girls go home! She didn’t even have her bags; she has to text her in-laws to bring their supplies in. Obviously she was handling labor amazingly…sometimes it’s the young girls who knock your socks off! She did great, and at 11:00 am gave birth to a 7 pound 8 ounce baby girl. They named her Alcris Jane, a combination of the parent’s names, Alfredo and Christine. She was a beauty. Fortunately, Cris let me take pictures of her birth, and I’m planning on making her a scrap book. After Christmas we have an art project due, and the scrap book is about the most creative I can get! And, she gets something cool out of it. It’s a win-win situation! Jenny, one of my classmates, did a belly-mold of her continuity, and that will be her art project. It was so beautiful. I held the final product up to my body…and I could almost imagine what I will look like when I’m pregnant! J

Things have been busy around here, but fulfilling as ever. The clinic finally traversed the Department of Health obstacle course, and our license has been renewed! Yeah! This was very exciting news to all! The birth room has been very busy, and we’ve actually had to tweak our prenatal scheduling so that we are able to see more girls. In October we helped 128 women deliver their babies, and it seems as if November has been just as busy! I have yet to catch 2 babies in one shift, although most of my classmates have. This is one of those things I don’t feel the need to compete with…It’s enough paperwork catching one!

Just this past weekend I was chosen to go on an outreach with a couple of my classmates and a Filipina from the clinic, but tragically, I got sick the first day! I ended up taking a 3 ½ hour bus ride home by myself in which I managed not to lose my breakfast all over my seatmate. The two other students went on to observe at a rural health clinic, and traveled to remote villages over the next three days to do basic health care and prenatals. Unfortunately, one of the other students got sick too, but she was able to push through it until she got home. It’s the rainy season here in Davao, and many people are getting sick. And, living in a house with 17 other girls…sickness travels fast!

I’ve begun thinking about what I want to do after this year is up…the options really are endless. I’m mostly bouncing back-and-forth between staying here a third year to do my Bachelors Degree or coming home to make some money to pay off debts. I’ve recently begun looking into becoming a postpartum doula…a person who helps out in homes just after a baby is born. They not only help with household duties and cooking, but newborn care, breastfeeding help, and basic mother-care. The training is fairly easy – reading some books, writing some papers, going to a couple workshops, and possibly shadowing other postpartum doulas. I think that doing something like this for a couple years would satisfy my parents desire of having me around, but it would also keep me from becoming too permanent. I’m hesitant about going through the program at Ryerson to get my Canadian licensing for fear that I’ll want to set up shop back home, leaving all my skills of working with women in third world countries behind. I truly feel God has called us girls to this place for a purpose – to develop all of us into midwives capable of dealing with complications common to malnutritioned, impoverished women in developing countries. To ignore this calling would be irresponsible, I think. But who knows at this point what will happen after July, when I graduate. Please keep me and my future decisions in your prayers! Eventually I’ll have to figure out what it is I want to do with these two years of training!

Us girls are currently in the middle of the biggest assignment of our academic lives here – intrapartum complications, pharmacology and labs. Basically, we’re studying and figuring out the management for every possible complication that could come up in labor: fetal distress, breech delivery, shoulder dystocia, uterine rupture, hemorrhage…you name it, we’re covering it. It’s probably the one assignment that makes us fear becoming a midwife…there’s some scary stuff that can happen! Thankfully, almost every single complication can be avoided with proper prenatal care and actually observing and monitoring a woman in labor. I think the most common question people ask about midwifery care is, “What if something wrong happens”. I’m learning more and more that very few problems occur suddenly; most are problems left unresolved that become even more complicated as labor is allowed to progress. This assignment is really opening our eyes to foreseeing complications and learning how to resolve and deal with them early to prevent further harm. Part of our testing will be practical, where we’re put into situations where we have to deal with some of the complications I mentioned. Perhaps someday I’ll actually have to deal with some of these situations, like twins or breech, and I definitely want to know what I’m doing…or at least look like it!

It’s been really great hearing from all of you, and I hope you’re Holidays have been amazing so far! We just celebrated American Thanksgiving at the clinic this week, and it was so fun eating ‘normal’ holiday food: turkey, mashed potatoes, salads and desserts. Yes, there was a big pot of rice for the Filipinos…but us white kids avoided it like the plague. Why eat rice when there are mashed potatoes?

I miss you all, and I’m thinking about home lots. Please continue to send me your email addresses so I can keep in contact more often.

Blessed

2007-11-15T15:38:00.000+08:00

My baby was so small, his hat kept falling over his eyes...

Because my class is so small (only 6 total), we rarely get to work together. However, I got to work with Jenny this past week, and it was a really great shift. We had a really busy night, but it was fluid, and the team worked really great together. Jenny caught two babies, and Ate Steph and I caught one each. Definitely not a record breaking shift, but we were all honored to watch the universe shift over for four new souls!

Hanging out with her girls

2007-11-14T09:38:00.000+08:00

<--Jes, a new continuity, who is due in April. Note her posture...she's totally leaning on my leg! Wicked comfort level!!

Michelle and baby Renial,

who is now six weeks old-->

Yesterday I got to spend lots of time with both buntis girls and new mom's, and it never ceases to amaze me, the miracle of birth!

I don't know if I mentioned Carina before...she came in fully dilated with a preterm baby, about 36 weeks pregnant. She delivered a 2.2 kilo baby, just under 5 pounds. They named her Stephanie...we weren't ever sure if this was an attempt to make a tribute to me, or not..

Stephanie at birth

Anyways, Carina and her baby have been struggling with breastfeeding for the past month, and she'd finally given up and was formula feeding. I saw her and Stephanie yesterday for their 3 week check up, and thank God Steph is now 2.6 kilos! For the longest time she just wasn't gaining any weight. At her 2 week check up she was still 2.2 kilos, and I had encouraged mom to feed her more often than normal to help her gain some weight.

Carina is such an amazing mother, but due to economic means, she has not been able to offer the best care to her children. Yesterday she was finally able to put the baby to the breast, and Stephanie FINALLY sucked! And like a champ too! Carina was suprised she still had milk, since it had been almost a month already since the birth. We sat for 10 minutes to feed the baby, and she didn't stop feeding! Carina was happy too. You see, with her first baby (only 11 months ago), the Filipina midwife who caught her baby (not at MMC, of course) told her she had to formula feed because she had no milk. So, for the past month Carina had this mindset that she would need to formula feed. The joy and surprise in her eyes when she was still able to feed Steph after a month was amazing...she WANTS to breastfeed, and it's so important for both of them. We encouraged her to feed often to build up her supply again, and hopefully she sticks to it and prevails. We began talking about family planning, as it was only 1 month after her last daughter that she got pregnant with Stephanie. She decided she was interested in The Pill, and we talked about how she'd have to use progesterone-only pills if she wanted to keep breastfeeding. Then, out of the blue one of the Filipina midwives, Ate Susan, said she had 3 months of birth control in her room for lactating mothers. (Sidenote- Ate Susan is a Family Planning Expert of A Midwife, so I didn't blink an eye when she said she had it in her bedroom, even though she's a single Filipina!) It was so great to be able to bless Carina with those boxes, and the smile on her face was enough of a reward. My prayer is that she is able to afford subsequent months, so that she can have a rest between pregnancies, and actually enjoy her children and be a good mom.

No, I am not strangling Stephanie, and no, she doesn't ALWAYS have her mouth open like this...

I had a 'midwifery' thought today....since I eventually need to go home someday and make money, what if I were to became a postpartum doula??? I think I like the idea!

Praising in the Rain

2007-11-11T08:59:00.000+08:00

"Praise You In This Storm"

Casting Crowns

I was sure by now

That You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear
Your whisper through the rain"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry

You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear

You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Holding Hands...

2007-11-06T20:13:00.000+08:00

I have told myself I know

A thousand ways to leave this place

We must tie our shoes on tight

For the march ahead through sleepy beds

And we'll get by

And we tell ourselves one more time

We get by

And we brace ourselves and hold our hands and fight

Helping the Women Plan!

2007-11-06T18:53:00.000+08:00

Last night I got a text from my supervisor saying I was going to have the Family Planning teaching this morning, and I got a little freaked out! Although I had just done the Family Planning assignment, I hadn't yet taught on it, and I was incredibly intimidated! It has a reputation as the toughest health teaching, as it actually takes a lot of knowledge and preparation! Thankfully, I was able to use Elisabeth's old visuals, and that was a lifesaver!

I started off the health teaching by having the women grouped according to the method they were using when they got pregnant, so they could have a practical visual of what groups had the most buntis (least effective), and which had the least (most effective). Of course, the biggest group consisted of the girls who used NO method, which we all had a big laugh over! Not surprising, the second biggest group was withdrawal with a close third, birth control. We were all a little surprised that there were so many girls pregnant on birth control, and we definitely talked about the importance of taking the pill EVERY day! There were only 3-4 girls who got pregnant while using Natural Family Planning, and I never did ask them if they were planned or not! A pretty good testimony, though!

I then spent the next half hour going over the different methods, although very briefing, as it would take HOURS to go over them all in depth! I photocopied the Ovulation method information handout I had made for my Family Planning assignment, as well as a chart, and told the girls to take a copy if they were interested in it. That way they could read up on it and ask their midwives questions, both prenatally and in the postpartum period.

Needless to say, I actually had fun, and realized I was scared for no reason...which is usually the case!

After the health teaching, I went on to see 5 out of 11 buntis girls with OP positions, one asymmetrical IUGR by ultrasound, one persistent UTI, and one early breech who I took as a continuity. I also got to spend some time with two amazing young continuities of mine, who are coincidentally both 37 weeks. Cristine, just 15 years old this past July, brought an ultrasound today, and is 'probably' having a girl and is in fact due sooner than we thought! She's decided to name her 'probable daughter' Crislen, a combination of her name and her bana's, Allen. Such a great Filipino tradition. If I were to do that...what would the combinations be? Would I contribute the 'any' or the 'tiff'???

<--Roca Fe and I talking....

Listening to her OP baby!

Checking out Cristine's bata! -->

<-- Posin'. Except she's not looking at the camera...

Singing

2007-10-31T08:46:00.000+08:00

Tonight the stars speak of your infinite love
And it serves to remind me
That what I have means nothing at all
Compared to your glory, Oh lord

How long till your voice speaks clearly?
How long till your arms envelope me?
I cry "be my strength when I am weak"
Oh Lord have mercy on me please

My spirit is willing but my flesh is so weak
I cry in your arms now
God grant me the strength to rest in you
I lift my hands and cry

Hanging On

2007-10-29T11:50:00.000+08:00

Everyday Sunday's song "Hanging On"

God I’m in this place again I’m
trying so hard not to fall,
but everything keeps coming down with the rain.
And I try so hard I forget to call.
Everybody’s looking around, and
everybody wants to be found.
And I’m just hanging on; I give You all that I am.
I come to You with all that I am, I
bring to You all that I have,
and all I have is nothing, and I keep on
trying, and all I want is You.

Everybody’s looking around and wants to be found,
and I’m just hanging on.
I give You all that I am.
And as I sit here in the midst of You,
I come to You; I bring You all that I am.
Everybody’s looking around and wants to be found,
and I’m just hanging on.
I give You all that I am.

Laughing at Fly Bait

2007-10-22T20:54:00.000+08:00

Over the past year I've had the amazing opportunity of making great relationships with women I meet in the clinic, just through being scheduled on a random shift in the birthroom. This past Saturday I had the honor of going to visit Juvy's house on Samal Island, which is about an hour bus ride away, plus a half hour motorcycle ride. For a woman to take such a trek for prenatals and in labor...astounding. I delivered her baby on October 12, which was an amazing birth. She had a couple complications that almost warranted transport to the hospital, but she was a trooper. She ended up spending almost 2 days at the clinic, but she was so joyous and upbeat the whole time. One night I even went over and made popcorn, and hung out for awhile with her.

Jes and I (who helped at the birth) left the house 6am on Saturday, beginning our wonderful adventure. We went to Santa Anna Wharf, got on a bus, and waited about 20 minutes, becoming the morning spectacle. We eventually went on our way, with the wind and the wonderful pollution smell of Davao in our faces. I've heard stories of buses getting in crazy accidents because of their driving skills...and after Saturday I definitely saw why!

When we arrived at the Penaplata Warehouse on Samal Island, I texted Juvy and she sent her husband to pick us up on his motorcycle. We waited about half an hour, just sitting and talking. While we were on the ride with him, I was in heaven! I always forget how good the 'bukid' is for my soul...the green grass, mountains, trees, caribou, and fresh smells. It never ceases to renew my desire to live here forever!

We went through small towns and villages, feeling a part of my soul be filled with each kilometer. We were driving downhill towards the water, which was so exciting. We eventually arrived at a village of about 1000 people, right on the water. It was gorgeous. It was also right beside Pearl Farm, which is an expensive resort for tourists. Ele, Juvy's husband, led us to their house, which was about one row back from the row of houses actually IN the water. Her house was beautiful...varnished wood, lots of windows, and a really cute porch with a swinging gate. Juvy and her family were so excited to see us, and we spent about an hour visiting and talking midwifery. Jess and I ended up taking a continuity due in February, who will make the trek to Mercy each month and then in labor. Jess even did a prenatal on another buntis girl who was feeling contractions, but was only 8 months pregnant. We just advised her go to the doctor.

We then ate lunch - rice and pancit, which is a type of noodles. After we walked to a small wharf, and met Juvy's older brother, who was going to take us on a tour of the 'Mariculture Park'.... So, on this small pump boat were myself and Jess, Juvy, Ele, Rex (Juvy's cousin), Juvy's new baby, and her brother, the tour guide! And...it was the most amazing field trip of my life! He took us to these fish cages in the middle of the ocean, where they breed fish for the markets. Bangus (Milkfish), Lapu-lapu (Grouper), Abalone, Snapper, etc...about 5 different kinds. The cages were from 5x5 meters to 10x10, with small Styrofoam rafts (Titanics) from cage to cage. It was so fun to see the fish, walk on bamboo around the cages (hoping not to fall in), and see all the different sea creatures. Many of the tanks also ended up being homes for shrimp, sea urchins, many little fish, crabs and other fun, unusual things.

After, Juvy's brother took Jess and I on a tour around the island, and we saw crazy coral, beautiful sea shores, and saw lots of locals swimming. At one point it was show and tell, and we met some of his colleagues at a small village on the water.

Juvy was giving us a verbal tour of all the smaller islands, and she pointed to a bigger one near her village, and said 'Flie Bait'. It took me a minute to figure out what she meant...PRIVATE. Filipinos tend to mix up their F's and P's, and B's and V's. It was hysterical. We all had a good laugh. The amazing thing about Juvy and her family is that they speak great English, so Jess and I were able to be ourselves...joking, teasing, laughing...just having loads of fun. It felt like we were just hanging out with friends.

We eventually made our way back to her house, where we ate for the third time that morning. We left at 2 pm to make our way back to Davao, and arrived at home at 4. Exhausted. I had a wonderful sunburn to show off, plus a bruised ego after I slipped on the sidewalk in Agdao market in front of EVERYONE!

Needless to say, it was an amazing day. I love this country!!

Catching Up

2007-10-17T09:59:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I last posted...mainly because I didn't have wireless up until yesterday! Months ago my wireless card stopped working, and just yesterday I got a new one in the mail, from an amazing couple back home! So needless to say, my blogging will recommence, and my homework cease. But, I've been able to finish my assignment days early (it's due Friday), so I feel completely justified!

I've been able to be present at some amazing births this month, and I've made some great relationships. Jenna and I are actually going to Samal on Saturday to visit one of my handles, who was AMAZING! I'm so excited to visit her. She had a fairly complicated birth, but was so sweet and gentle throughout the entire ordeal. She ended up staying at the clinic for almost 48 hours, because of her blood loss and the fact that she lives on Samal (so can't travel after 5 pm), so I got to spend lots of time with her. One night I made some kettle popcorn and took it over to the clinic, and hung out with her, her husband and new son for a while. She speaks really good English..she actually has a degree in Marine Biology! How cool!

Right now I'm sitting in a coffee shop, waiting to pick up an ultrasound at noon. I've been having some lung problems this past week, but I'm hoping it will all be resolved this afternoon, when I go to see my doctor. A very long story! But, do I ever miss free health care!

In other news, we celebrated Canadian Thanksgiving last week. It was so much fun! We played Canadian trivia, listened to a comical history of Canada, ate good food, and enjoyed even better company. Being Canadian rules, that's for sure!

Living it Up!

2007-09-27T19:21:00.001+08:00

Wednesday morning I woke up at 5 am, groggy, but not really having a choice – day shift called. I managed to dress myself and make my way downstairs, where there was the promise of coffee. After about twenty minutes, I settled myself at the table with my coffee, breakfast and Bible. Carmen was seated across from me, doing the same, minus the coffee. The house was still, and I pierced the silence with a very ominous question to Carmen:

“So, what kind of excitement do you think we’ll have today?”

She laughed, both of us remembering our shift together last Friday, where Jordan ended up passing out due to scary IVs. She said she was ready for anything! We both went back to our reading.

The day shift started out pretty quiet; there was one labor, and Carmen had offered to graciously take her, because I needed to study for a semester exam. Her girl, Argielyn, delivered a 5 pound 3 ounce baby boy at 8:05 am. He was super small, but healthy and so so cute! Mom did a great job, and Dad was very proud of both her and his new son.
At 10 am, Lois brought down a girl from prenatals who apparently was in labor. We sent her to the washroom, and I pulled her chart and began to go over it. Mary Jane was 19 years old, and this was her third pregnancy, although her second ended in a second-month miscarriage.
I proceeded to check her vitals and the baby. Her pulse was high, as well as her blood pressure, but it was her contractions and the baby’s heart rate that had me a little worried. I couldn’t even palpate the contractions through her abdomen, but by her reaction and communication to me, one contraction was four minutes long! There was either something very wrong with her labor, or we were having trouble communicating. I was stumped. And the baby’s heart rate was a consistent 120. Normal fetal heart rate is 120-160, and although her baby’s was low normal, there was no variation. Most babies heart rates goes something like this: 136, 144, 144, 140, 132, all with fifteen second counts. Mary Jane’s baby was more like this: 120, 120, 124, 120. That was a little of a red flag, but we figured we’d monitor it to see how it went. She was also sporting a very small fundal height: Lois measured 29, and me 31…but either way, the baby felt very small.

I decided to do an IE; one, to see if she was truly in labor and dilating, and two, to get a better idea of her contractions. You can often feel the contractions better with an IE, as the bag of waters (amniotic sac) bulges tensely through the cervix during contractions, and is loose without. However, her IE was a little disquieting too. She was 3 cm along, which was great, but there was no water in her amniotic sac. I could feel the membranes, but no water between the membranes and the head. So, there were three possibilities: one, she had a leaking bag of waters that she was unaware of, two, she had severe oligohydramnios (lacking amniotic fluid), or three, all the water was behind the head. She was insistent that no water had come out, but it was still a possibility.

After her blood pressure had stabilized somewhat to 130/90 (still borderline), we decided to go to her house to get her husband and her supplies. Since she had been here only for prenatals, she had neither. At first, Ate Steph (my supervisor) was going to have her go alone, but she was beginning to react a little more to her pain, so she decided to have the ambulance take her. I asked if I could go along, and first she said no, then changed her mind. I asked if Holly, one of the new students, could come with me. She said no again, probably having flashbacks of mine and Holly’s last ‘home visit’, but with a pout and the puppy eyes from me, she also let her go. Sweet. I love home visits. I told Carmen where I was going, and she joking shouted out, “No boys this time”. This came from a the Filipinas joking Holly and I that our last transport had taken so long, because we had spent time at the girls house, flirting with her younger brother. Definitely not the reason we stayed so long…but you know Filipinas…they love love!
Anyways, we all piled into the ambulance, only to found out that Mary Jane lives in Sasa, which is about 20 minutes away. Yikes. Oh well. What do you do?

The excitement started about 10 minutes down the road. I was looking out the windows, paying more attention to the scenery, when all of a sudden Mary Jane grabbed my arm, and gave me the whole, ‘this-baby-is-coming’ panicked look. I looked at Holly, wide-eyed, and proceeded to tell Mary Jane to breathe and focus. She could do it. I figured she was just getting active, and needed a little reassurance. However, the further we got from Mercy, the more frantic she got. She started holding her crotch and arching off the seat. That’s when I started to inwardly freak out. Those are definite signs of a baby coming! Especially in an already-mom! I yelled at Buding, the guard driving the ambulance, to turn around. Mary Jane, already lying on the stretcher-cot, sat up and yelled at Buding to keep going – apparently her house was close. We quickly got to her house, with me thinking “we NEED to keep going”, and Buding outside somewhere trying to find her family. (Later we found out that Buding had met up with a girl selling banana cubes on a little grill, and grabbed her by the arm, telling her to find him ‘so and so’, Mary Jane’s mother. The girl was freaking out, point at her burning bananas, but Buding just yelled, “It’s an emergency!” This is especially funny, because Buding is known as a very quiet, gentle man!)

Meanwhile, I managed to take off her pants and panties, and told her to keep breathing. Buding finally came back, and we turned on the siren and went on our way back. We didn’t have time to actually pick up the bantay, but only to tell them to meet us at MMC; I was hoping we’d make it back to the clinic. This all could have been avoided with a simple cell-phone text, but alas, Mary Jane had no cellphone. So, with Holly at Mary Jane’s head encouraging her, and me at the opposite end, we prepared to catch her baby.

With her next contraction, out came a very tiny baby boy. He literally slid out, so small he was. As predicted, there was no amniotic fluid at all, and thick mec to boot. I quickly began wiping the baby with the one wash clothe the mother did have, then grabbed her sweat pants to wipe off the rest. I yelled at Holly to pray, then I did what came to mind: postural drainage with stimulation, and when he still wasn’t responding, I did what ever midwife knows she has to do, but cringes at the thought of it…I sucked out the mec/mucous with my own mouth. But don’t worry, I spit it out afterwards! I didn’t get a whole lot, so after I sucked, I blew a little air over his mouth, just to help him a little. At this point, Holly was praying up a storm at Mary Jane’s head. The baby eventually gave a couple whimpers, and I almost cried. When I was confident he was more stable, I wrapped him in his mother’s pants and put him on her abdomen. The rest of the ride to the hospital was a lot calmer, with us reassuring Mary Jane and encouraging her to hold and talk to her baby.

Buding must have thought we were still in a state of emergency, because he was careening through traffic and for a minute I though I was going to fly to the other side of the ambulance. We eventually made it to the ER of Davao Medical Center in one piece, and with our siren blaring, we quickly brought lots of attention. I hollered at the staff to bring a blanket (she needed SOME coverage), and a stretcher. We quickly got her and the baby situated, and made our way into the hospital. The staff kept asking where the placenta was and how I cut the cord, and I kept telling them the placenta was still inside, and I didn’t cut the cord! The rest of an hour was spent checking her in, then being on a wild goose chase taking in blood work for her, since she had no ‘bantay’ (watcher). I eventually went back to the ER and told them I had to return to Mercy, and someone else would have to do the running around. They were definitely not happy, but I knew if I was any longer, MY supervisor would not be happy! I promised the Ob/Gyn doctor I’d find her a bantay, fast.

When we returned to the clinic, the first thing I said was, “I promise she was only 3 cm!” This brought many hysterical laughs from the Filipinas, known for their boisterous laughing. Holly and I had to recount the story hundreds of times, and were very high strung for quite a while… I couldn’t stop talking really fast and loud! I’m sure you all know what I mean! At one point Ate Susan walked into the birthroom and asked if it was a boy or a girl…”a boy”, I yelled! Carmen turned to me and exclaimed, “I said no boys!” We all died laughing.
It wasn’t until after shift that I crashed, and had to go take a nap. And don’t worry…I brushed my teeth, and washed with Listerine!

Needless to say, it was pretty much the most exciting adventure of my life, so far. Except that the baby is not doing so hot…but thankfully, he’s breathing on his own. Hopefully he pulls through this without any battle wounds.

This morning Holly and I went to DMC to visit Mary Jane and her baby boy. We got to help her with her first breast feed, although he didn’t suck very well. We just encouraged her to keep trying, and hold him lots. On our way out, promising I’d come again tomorrow, I asked the doctor how much he weighed. An astonishing 1.6 kilos, or 3.5 pounds. I couldn’t believe it. Something very wrong went on in that pregnancy, and I hope it gets resolved. Since she miscarried her last pregnancy, and this one was IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction), it’s very possible she has some sort of disease, infection or virus that is keeping her from having successful pregnancies. Poor girl…she’s only 19, too.

So far, Mary Jane has been pretty unresponsive to Holly and I, but I’m hoping she’ll open up and I can continue to spend time with her. I’m praying she’ll push through this difficult time, and come out victorious. At this point, breastfeeding would be the best thing for this baby, and hopefully she can persevere and this baby can learn to suck like a champ. Pray for her and the baby…they need it.

Enjoying her weekend

2007-09-23T22:22:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I woke up at 6am, and began preparing snacks for all of the students who were going on the boat trip. I had decided to stay home this time, because I wanted to have some alone 'me' time, and finish my assignment. Since coming to this school a year ago, I've realized how much I enjoy food prep...I really like spending time in the kitchen! (I can just see my dad cracking some sort of women-belong-in-the-kitchen joke while my mom slaps him.) And, I've realized that the amount of time I spend in the kitchen is inversely correlated to the stress level in my life...the less stress I have, the more time i spend in there. I love to spend hours cutting veggies...it's strange, really. So, I volunteered to prepare all the food for the girls, and although they saw it as me being sacrificial...i was really enjoying it! I cut up apples and mangoes, carrots and cucumbers, singkamas, pomello, pineapple, watermelon, and made them tuna. I admit I had a little help from some of the girls - thanks Jordan, Medea and Laura! And any others I forget! (An unexpected trip to the market set me back some time, and a couple of the girls were gracious to jump in)

After they left, i spent some time blogging, updating facebook, and listening to loud music. It was probably the last time I'd ever be home alone, so I was taking full advantage of it. After lunch i went grocery shopping, and finished the afternoon by baking chocolate chip cashew cookies. It took me about 3 batches to get into a groove...one batch was definitely postdates. Oh well...they were still yummy!

Then at 4 pm I met with an old continuity at the clinic, and I was able to see her daughter, who is now 5 months old! She is so big! I weighed her - 15 pounds, 12 ounces. Yikes! Her head was bigger than mine! She was so darn cute. Her mom is Jerlen, the one whose birth I photographed in April, and made a scrapbook of. She named her daughter after me, and we've been able to make a really great relationship. She even named me the godmother, even thought I was home in Canada for the christening. Nuts.

I topped the evening off with dinner and a movie at my friend Leah's house. It was the perfect ending to a perfect day!

Having a great time NOT catching babies!

2007-09-22T09:46:00.000+08:00

With six babies over the past 6 shifts, I was ready for our dead swing shift on Friday. I was working with Carmen, Holly and Jordan, along with Ate Steph, who spent most of the afternoon hanging out with the other Filipinas upstairs. This left the four of us to entertain ourselves.

At 2 pm I had class, so I spent an hour with Krys, Laura and Jenna going over newborn respiratory and circulatory changes, feeling more confidant in my assignment. It's actually pretty amazing the changes that happen instantly when a baby is born...such a God thing!

After class I went over into the birthroom, and had two baby checks waiting for me. One was fairly uneventful, however, the other is another story. It had been 2 weeks since she'd given birth, and I'd seen her 4 times already, everytime being more and more worried about her blood pressure. She has somehow developed postpartum hypertension, and although we had referred her to the doctor and she was taking meds, it was still a shocking 170/110! So, we decided to take her to the hospital ourselves. Holly and I jumped in the ambulance, and our first stop was her home. We were to take the baby home so stay with Mary Jane's mother, and pick up her brother to accompany Mary Jane to the hospital. When we got to her house, she invited us in, and we sat down to coke and crackers. Sweet. I encouraged her to breastfeed the baby one more time before we left, so we hung out for about 15 minutes, just talking and sitting. We eventually loaded back into the ambulance, this time headed for the hospital. Unfortunately I had to leave Mary Jane and her brother there, but I got her phone number, and promised to call her in the next couple of days to see how she was. Her family was very supportive, and realizing the danger of such high blood pressure, were very compliant and gracious.

When I got back to the clinic, Ate Steph was completing another baby check of mine. The mother showed us her sons mouth, and we realized that the back of his throat was not completely patent (open). It's like he was swallowing from a straw. No wonder she said he was vomiting a lot, and having a hard time breathing. So sad. So we wrote a referral, and she went straight to the hospital. When Carmen and Jordan were on a transport later in the evening, they saw her, and her son was already admitted. She told Carmen that the doctors would do surgery as soon as he was strong enough, so that made me happy. I'm also going to go visit her soon too, and keep in contact. I'm just so glad she realized it...I guess mom's have that instinct and know their babies! Good thing. :)

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful, after Carmen's transport at least. The woman came in with a blood pressure of 130/90, and it steadily climbed to 160/120 over the next 40 or so minutes. Yikes. By the time she got to the hospital she was fully dilated, and Carmen thought she was going to catch the baby in the ER. Thankfully, she was able to breath and resisted the urge to push.

After Carmen and Jordan came back, the four of us just sat on the couches talking. I asked Carmen if I could try an IV on her, and she was willing! Sweet. So I pulled out my equipment, and quickly failed. It squirted blood everyone, and I screamed, causing the new students to laugh and I'm sure they thought I was a lunatic. Then Carmen inserted a smaller needle into my foot, which we later found out increase the risk of an air embolism. I was quite thankful to wake up this morning :)

Then I asked Jordan if I could try one on her, and she surprising said 'Yes'. She's a quick fainter, so we were all surprised. Needless to say, I failed again, and after I pulled it out, she proceeded to pass out about a minute later. Only, it was freaky, because she didn't just pass out...she seized! Her body went completely stiff, and we thought she was having a seizure. She pulled out of it about a minute later, and remembered nothing, of course. It was quite the experience. I was shaking after, but we were all able to laugh. Poor Jordan...she felt so bad! I should be the one feeling bad...I poked her! Oh well..now we all know for next time!

Plagiarizing

2007-09-21T07:25:00.000+08:00

This is actually cut and pasted from Jenna's blog, but I couldn't have said it better.

Our clinic has been through a tOUGh couple of weeks - what with the DOH (department of health) bursting in and giving us 15 days to comply with (UN)reasonable measures...all of which are underway. There are approx. 100 lying-in (maternity) clinics in all of Davao and WE, as Mercy Maternity, are the biggest of them all. We're like walmart...only with no sweat shops or cheap materials. The DOH has only found 14 clinics up to their standards, ours not being one of them. We almost closed down. Why? Not because we're dirty, or have malpractice, or anything like that...just because we're in a war against something bigger than ourselves. [OUR clinic gets in trouble for not having the cap screwed on tight to the container of our cottonballs.. when the public hospital gets away with cats running astray through the wards, blood splattered on the floor, not bothered with until the next shift].

Mercy is a great clinic, not ONLy because we are clean, but MORE so because of the people we serve. Most of our clients don't make more than $4 dollars a day (and that's being generous). And we give them free prenatal care, free labor and delivery, and postpartal care. We decided to show our patients jUSt hOW mUCh we love and care for them and their families by springing big bags of food on everyone who walks through the door, on some random day at the clinic. WE've done this before, the students just gather as much money as possible by a certain date, give it to our filipina staff to go to the market where they can buy lOADS of rice, and vegetables, and powered milk, and sugar, and such to bless our patients.

As I've said before, people at home just have such a heart for what I am doing here, constantly reading up on my blog, and girls have done this in the past where they throw this out there, and see if anyone would respond...

and so am i.

If you want to give ($5, $10, $1000) whatever you've got in your wallet at the time...(haha, Matt!) Just get the money to my mom and she'll wire it to me, and i'll see that this foodbank at Mercy receives it. Oh my goodness...this thing'll be great, even if NO one gives any money! I cannot wait to see the reactions of our patients (a little disheartening, because Filipinos tend to be shy and not as expressive as sOMe...but. mmm, it'll be sweet either way!) Pass on the word! and thank you, thank you, thank you!!

Isaiah 58:6-8

Catching Them Babies!!

2007-09-20T12:30:00.000+08:00

I've caught two more babies this week, one being my continuity, Michelle Veloz. She went into labor early Tuesday morning, while I was in prenatals. I came down and checked her over, only to find that she was only 1 cm. I sent her home and kept in contact with her all day. She was having a really hard time coping with the pain, so she decided to come back in to the clinic at 4:30 pm. She was still 3 cm, but I decided to stay with her and work through the pain. She was having a really hard time with contractions, so we worked through each one, rested, and worked through the next. I prayed so hard that she was progressing fast, because it could make for a very long day/night. God definitely answered that prayer, and she gave birth to a beautiful 8 pound 2 ounce boy at 8:41 pm. She did such an amazing job, and didn't even have a tear! Amazing control. Although the emotional issues she had really showed in her labor, especially in her ability to accept the pain and work with it, it didn't stop her from falling in love with her son. Every once in a while you see a mom so captivated by her child, and it blows you away. Micay was like this. As she felt his skin, opened his hands, and talked to him, you could see the culmination of 12 hours of labor and pain...and it was a good ending! God is so amazing, seeing how he can take an unplanned pregnancy and grow a bond and relationship out of the pain. She'll be an amazing mom.

I worked again Wednesday night, and Carmen labored all night with a girl. I didn't think I'd get a baby (the first shift out of 6 without a handle), but low and behold, a mom came in fully dilated, and quickly gave birth to a 6 pound 6 oz baby boy. All very fast and easy, no complications. My 39th birth....

Dependant

2007-09-20T11:59:00.000+08:00

Growing up as a PK has been fairly hard, especially the part when I have to figure out where my parents relationship with God ends and mine starts. I've realized over the past couple of months that much of what I hold true as my own faith is actually a faith in my parent's God, and not necessarily doctrine I stand behind as my own. This is especially true in situations where I've fallen into sin; I don't necessarily feel guilty or convicted because I know I've let God down or disappointed him...I feel guilty and ashamed because I let my parents down.

When I came back to the Philippines in September, I put myself on a mission. I was going to figure out WHY I wanted to follow Christ...I wanted to make my faith my own, so that I can say, "This is why I follow Christ". As I began to think about Christianity, God and myself, all I could think of were the blessings and benefits that come WITH following Christ. Not that life will become easy or suddenly a joy ride, but I know God provides, gives peace, wisdom and understanding when we surrender to him. I KNOW that God provides...I've seen it with the money I've received for school tuition. I KNOW God gives peace and joy...and I've definitely been lacking both of these for the past month or so. But still, I didn't want to say to myself, "I'm a Christian because God has benefits and will bless me"...this felt like such a selfish reason to follow Him...I wanted to figure out how to fall in love with Him.

So my search, or I should say stagnancy, lasted for the past week or two, me sorting through ideas in my head, trying to be motivated to read my Bible and pray, but mostly being frustrated. Frustrated alot, since I was missing my communion with God, especially when I'm surrounded by so many amazing girls with such strong faiths and ideals. In a way, I was fighting God, because I was trying to justify our relationship.

Yesterday was a really hard day for me, and I don't want to get into it, but it ended up with me in a taxi on the way to SM to buy some new clothes. No, I wasn't binging...it really was legit :) Anyways, my eyes were pretty swollen at this point, and I was half thinking in my head, half talking to God. I was sick of trying to so hard, sick of failing, and sick of this person I felt I had become in the past month. I wasn't happy, or at peace, or as helpful around the house; I felt more selfish, self-centered, and bitter. I realized I can't do it without God....not just that I literally will go to hell without him, but the reality that I did not like myself without him, I didn't like my life, and I couldn't do anything about it on my own. In that moment, I realized THAT is why I want to be a Christian. Not because I have this amazing love for God, or I've seen visions or angels, or anything miraculous. But simply because I CAN'T live without him - I'm completely dependant on Him. It made me think of all the babies I see every day at the clinic - they don't have reasons in their minds why they love their mothers, and they don't need to justify their relationship. They love their mom's because they can't live without her...they are completely dependant.

This realization finally allowed me to breathe, and be OK with life for the first time in a while. It doesn't mean I'm suddenly going to start reading my Bible 12 hours a day, or have an amazing prayer life...but I know what I can and can't do without Him, and I think that's in a pretty good place to be. I still have lots of things to work through, but if our relationship is anything like a humans, the LOVE will follow.

Exhausted but Fulfilled!

2007-09-16T22:02:00.001+08:00

I have caught 4 babies in the past four shifts, and it's been such great fun. But I'm definitely tired, and ready for my uneventful day tomorrow, in which case all I'll do is homework! My last two births were quite complicated and very much alike, with things such as slow pushing stages, shoulder dystocias, and a couple hemorrhages, one ending with me covered in blood from neck to toe. Needless to say, it's been fun :) Welcome back Tiffany!

Monotone

2007-09-09T21:56:00.000+08:00

So, it's been about a week since I last posted, and the week has definitely been busy! The new students arrived on Friday, so it's been non-stop since then. It's so exciting to have them here, and they all seem like amazing girls. It's so great to have so many different personalities in one house! I have four of the new girls in my room, and it's going to be lots of fun.

In the last week I have visited two different ministries here in Davao City. The first was 'Family Circus', a kids program created to teach them about Jesus and salvation through song, drama and memorization. Jenna and I went with an Austrian friend, and there were hundreds of kids who attended the circus.

A couple of days later Simon, our Austrian friend, took Jenna and I to 'New Carmen', the dump that became a village. For the past 5 years several organizations have been working at building homes, infrastructure and income-making ideas at the dump. They're in the process of creating a piggery, fish tank and duck pond, all ways that the villagers can farm and sell their own livestock. It was such an amazing village, and it totally renewed my desire to create a midwifery/woman's clinic in a remote area. We only drove for about 15 minutes yet we were so removed from the city. It was amazing.

And, since my wireless card stopped working in my computer, I've had lots of time to do homework and very little opportunity to waste time on the internet! SO, I apologize for taking long to respond to emails, facebook wallposts and myspace comments! Hapit na gyud!

These pics are of my life in the past week

Re-adjusting

2007-08-31T10:43:00.000+08:00

So, Jenna and I are back in the Philippines, and we're so happy to be home! Of course I miss everyone I left in Canada, but my life is here, so it's where I want to be!

The first day was a litle overwhelming, attempting to re-adjust and take in the new changes. The house had more new interns than students I knew, so that was a little hard. But they all seem like great girls/women, and I'm excited to get to know them in the next couple of weeks before they leave.

Jenna and I haven't had to unpack, because our luggage was left in Vancouver. We're not super upset, but it is hard not having our clothes and toilettries with us. Oh well - what can you do? Jenna's determined to get money from the airport, but it's futile. It wasn't really the fault of the airport; we had to rush from our plane that arrived in Vancouver to the plane departing for Manila. There was literally no time for them to get our luggage on the plane. I told them if they paid for our hotel we'd stay in Vancouver for 2 days until the next flight, but I wasn't surprised when they turned down that offer. Haha...oh well, if Jenna wants to try to get some compensation, who am I to try and stop her?

It was Charity's birthday yesterday, so before her and Jenny flew out on their month vacation, we went for pizza. It was really great to reconnect with the girls, but I was tired. I ended up goign to bed around 7 pm, expecting to be up extremely early. I woke up at 12 am because of the rain on the aluminum outside my window, and decided to go over to the clinic and hang out for a while.

About a week before I flew home to Canada, I met this girl named Marites, an 18 year old from the province. She was married to a farmer, and was extremely poor. Lois and I took her as a joint continuity, because I figured she'd deliver while I was in Canada. However, we actually went into labor yesterday. I didn't make it to the birth because I was too exhausted, however I decided to go see her when I woke up in the middle of the night. When I got there, they told me her baby had been transported to the hospital for respiratory distress; there were some problems with her placenta during the birth, and he went through some hard times. I stayed with her for awhile, keeping her company and praying and reassuring her it would all be OK. I left arounde 1 am, as the other girls prepared to suture her small tear.

When I woke up this morning, I found out she had to be tranported, because her tear ended up being a lot worse than they had initially thought. It broke my heart, because this girl is so poor, and her baby was already there with his own problems. It's not often we have to transport both the mother and baby - devastating. I'm going to go visit both of them later on today, and bring them some food. I hope they both get to go home soon.

So...it's back to being a midwifery student. I really do have the best job in the world. The situations may be heartbreaking and tragic every once in awhile, but God has given me the opportunity to witness the biggest miracle in the universe. I wouldn't give it up for anything.

The pics in the slide show are from my month home, visiting friends and family.

Busy

2007-08-10T00:16:00.000+08:00

Well, I'm home!!! And it's been pretty crazy. I spent the first weekend at the cottage and re-adjusting. Yesterday I went to Kingdom Bound, a Christian music festival at Six Flags Darien Lake, and it was great. Took lots of pics, and I'll post them sometime when I have a better internet connection. Probably on my facebook, or on a slide show.

I can't believe I come home in a little over two weeks, and I'm excited. I miss the routine and familiarity...and most of all, I miss babies. I miss talking midwifery, seeing midwifery, doing midwifery.

I made a video of a birth months ago, and I've shown all my family - that's been cool. My mom and sister cried, of course. People have been amazingly supportive, both emotionally and financially. God always provides :)

Super Excited

2007-07-29T23:06:00.000+08:00

I AM GOING HOME TOMORROW. It seems so surreal...like a year can't possibly be over yet. I'm ecstatic, but at the same time, I'm a little afraid to go home. Right now I pretty much live in a bubble. I'm afraid to go home to the same temptations I left, yet hoping God has really shaped me this past year and that my faith is stronger. The verse 1 Corinthians 10:13 has been really important to me over the past year...I'm praying I can persevere this month and stand up under my temptations. God is faithful. I know that. My prayer right now: I want to go home and produce fruit in accordance with the changes in my life over this past year. I want to be a testimony and example to my siblings. I can't wait to spend time with them, yet I'm nervous. Please pray for me, that God proves himself faithful and carries me through this month.